Fighting My Fat Gene

Love and other 4 Letter words

2010-10-23T09:00:00.001-05:00

L.I.K.E. = another 4 letter word. Ya'll have heard me mention that I have had a tough dating year. I am contentedly single, but get extremely frustrated with the tom-foolery some men subject "us" too. And I've had my share of tom-foolery within the last few years. I mentioned in my last post that one of my girlfriends got engaged, and that weekend was a "couples" thing. I was the only single person among 5 happy couples: 2 married, 1 engaged and 2 dating. No....don't feel sorry for me - I had a blast! I can deeply enjoy being around my "involved" friends, genuinely feel happy for them and enjoy their company to the fullest - which I did, awesome awesome weekend. Again, I am (was) content.

However, the Monday after my friend's new fiance unknowingly intro'd me to his college buddy. Long story which I really don't feel like explaining, but to make it short, we met and are in DEEP like! I'm not trying to avoid using the other, better known four letter word - we're just not there yet. However I must say this man is positively amazing! Ya'll know every time I meet someone new I always say I'll keep ya posted. And none of them have re-surfaced! lol. This man will be here for a while! At the very least, I've made a great new friend, and I'm not all into the "where will we be in 5 years" thing with him, rather I am enjoying each and every single step of my new friendship/dateship!!! Yi-ti-deeeee Phluffy Princess!

AND we're attempting to do Insanity together (he already did month 1 a while ago with tremendous success), but here is the kicker....we're long distance! Which of course presents its challenges, but with my school schedule and his career demands, its actually A-okay. So....I found an Insanity system online (well, my brother did) and we are starting together on November 1st. Ughhhhhh....wish me luck with it! Since my "lifestyle change" or re-committment, I've prayed for a partner who would work out with me and understand and support my fitness goals. My last relationship was with a man who was attempting depserately to gain weight and would force feed me cookies late at night, before that was a man who met me at my adult low (fresh from WW) and did not understand my eating goals/plan. A couple of my male friends work out all the time, but tell me I look fine and are not interested in doing anything together. This year I said to Jesus - look, it is important for me to have a partner that I can be physically active with, where we are both committed to living a healthy lifestyle. Make that number 77 on my "list"!!!! Amen. lol. Well, God (as always) delivered! He's a water drinking, long-term healthy lifestyle committed, ex-athlete who has to actively WORK to stay in shape person - just like ME!

Can ya tell I'm on cloud NINE?!?!

Faked it til I made it!!!!

2010-10-22T12:42:00.000-05:00

One of my friends got engaged a couple of weeks ago, and her fiance had her 2 closest friends come into town "to visit" so we would be there for her day. I had an amazing weekend! I love that couple, they are truly inspirational. They have kept God first in their relationship with each and every step - even remaining completely celibate the entire 3 years of their courtship! UH-MAZE-ING, right?! Anywhoooo, I thought that I was allowing myself to "splurge" all weekend but on Sunday at a soul food restaurant I realized OMG I faked it til I made it! I am talking about this proverbial "lifestyle change" of which we dieters always speak! As the waitress rounded the table collecting orders, I realized every single person ordered something fried - catfish, whiting, chicken - except me. And the funny thing is I never even considered, looked at or was tempted by the fried items! Splurging for me equated to pot roast as opposed to the baked chicken!!!! I couldn't believe it! There was a time that NOT ordering fried chicken at a soul food place would have been the hardest decision of my life because although I virtually never fry foods at home, I do enjoy them! Also....I ordered 2 veggies as my sides, cabbage and green beans! No rice, mashed or sweet potatoes or mac & cheese, and again to my complete shock - those things weren't a "struggle" to avoid! I actually ordered what I wanted to have, yet it was a healthy choice and took no coaxing into! I sat and reflected on my other food choices: water (no soda), little to no snack food despite being offered every few minutes, and lots of fruit and veggies! WOW - WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!?! I am not where I want to be, but gosh-dogg-on-it I am pretty freakin' impressed with myself!

Also, some friends noticed I had lost weight and toned up since our last in-person visit and some hadn't seen me since the last 20 lb weight gain (estimation) so they didn't notice a loss per se - but everyone exclaimed WOW PP, YOU LOOK GREAT! Which made me feel amazing, especially considering my weight loss has virtually stalled since May! However, a sistah is maintaining and continuing to keep striving! I wore some size 10 skinny jeans which felt amazingly comfortable and looked HOTT if I do say so myself - check it out:

Now I normally HATE being shot from below - I was standing and the picture taker was sitting on the couch, but even with the universally unflattering angle, I am pretty freakin pleased with how I look!

I also wore a dress that was too small last year but fits super well now - sorry no pics though! :-( Also....the hair is the sew-in that I mentioned a few posts ago.

Also, the school money stuff has been resolved....God bless and continue to keep my wonderful family. You know how people say they are my backbone? Well, mine are my vertebrae, intervertebral ligaments, ribs....heck my entire connective system.....my spinal cord even! All I provide is the brain (intelligence to actually get thru school) - and THAT is a gift from God! So the credit is not mine! That is a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders.

I'm a little under the weather right now, but more on other stuff in a separate post!

Stress - I guess there is an "up" side?

2010-10-08T19:04:00.000-05:00

Hello Friends!
I am going to stop apologizing for not writing posts that a directly weight loss related. I read your blogs and love the posts about your life and the times that I have written about non-weight loss related "stuff" it was very therapeutic! So as for me right now, I have been extremely stressed because due to something I overlooked, I have roughly a $20K balance for medical school that I cannot have covered by federal financial aid. I won't go into all the boring details but needless to say...I'M STRESSED! That is probably the most extreme understatement I have ever made. I'm trying to research ways I can come up with extra money - and I had no idea some people make GOOD money blogging! Ha! After a little research I realize that is not the answer to my prayers because I don't have the dedication that I would need but it was interesting information nonetheless, and makes me want to support those who do earn supplemental income via blogging. There is always an honest way to make an extra buck! God has taught me a lot through this situation and I believe he is going to show favor upon me and help me to work everything out. Well...yes, I am stressed and for once in my life I have lost my appetite. I got on the scale this morning after essentially not doing anything for the past 1-2 weeks...and I'm DOWN 2 lbs! Not the healthy thing, so I am going to work out a bit tonight after all if I continue to do that, I'm losing muscle and fat - definitely not going to give me the figure I'm after!

Anyways, that's what is going on in my life right now. I am almost to a big landmark at which time I will return to posting weigh-ins. So that not all is lost in this post....here is a non-scale victory that I accomplished:

25 consecutive, no breaks, MAN style push ups in a row!

Now that I have been away from working out for a bit, I hope that I can still do that! :-)

Slave to hair....SEWED SOME IN!

2010-09-28T14:06:00.000-05:00

Ya'll have heard me talk about how "we" - both African American women and WOMEN in general of all races will alter our physical activity based on our hair! I've read about the Brazilian Keratin Treatment (BKT) craze in one of the zillions of mags I read - one woman wrote about her experience. How after having it done, you cannot get it wet for 4 days, no showering, no swimming, and....YEP no sweating! This was a white woman, so its not just "us." Before relaxing my hair I won't workout for the prior 2-3 days because increased blood flow to the scalp can make the experience less than pleasant....okay, okay, I'll just come out and say it - it'll BURN! Lately I've been rollersetting my hair each weekend. I swear, whenever I do it, I feel so beautiful, my hair is so soft and bouncy. Then I consider going to the gym. I usually say....lemme just HAVE the weekend (I do my hair Friday or Saturday) then the curls stay intact. Monday rolls around and I say "Oooh my hair looks good still" so I won't go! I am in the process of growing my hair out. Its almost back to the longest I've ever been able to grow it (which is between APL & BSL for those on hair boards/forums) back in my early 20's - and it was WORK then - and so far I am in love with it! However, lately I've been feeling like its taking over my life! At night, I debate how I'm going to wear it the next day...I carefully moisturize and place it in plaits, rollers or pincurls. If the style is cute, I don't wanna work out the next day! Then if I do....my scalp is sweaty and after 2-3 days it becomes itchy so I wash it. For those who are not aware, typically black women don't wash their hair as frequently as women of other races because our hair is drier by nature. So at best I'm wearing a style for THREE DAYS and lord knows I don't have the time or patience to rollerset mid-week! I wasn't like this when I first started either journey (hair or weight loss) seems like it was easier. Maybe because my hair was shorter? IDK because I think longer hair is easier. At least I can do a bun/ponytail and look presentable now. I think maybe its because now that its longer, I love wearing it out!

Anywhoooo, I'm just ranting about how I felt. And I wanted a change for the fall. So....I sewed some hair in! That's right I pulled out my "bin o' hair" found some Virgin Indian Hair I bought a couple years ago but never used, did a lil research and installed it myself! Normally I have a stylist do it, but it was such a spur of the moment thing plus I don't know who I trust to do it here (in my current city), and it's EXPENSIVE! I'm sure with working out it won't last me the 3 months I normally keep it in, but only 6-8 weeks. I've done weaves on other people many times - and they always look FIYAH if I do say so myself. So I decided to do it myself! I do need some practice I will admit but the finished product is gawwww-geous, and I feel free to workout as much as I want!

Save $$$ - Use the Library!

2010-09-20T09:12:00.000-05:00

Hello Everyone! I'm back on the losing side of things. I looked back and realized I didn't lose ANYTHING all freakin' summer. Smh. I didn't gain what I'd lost back however....that just is not enough. 160+ lbs on my 5'3" frame just will not work. Plus, I'd stopped working out to get my schedule re-adjusted, so while I was maintaining my weight I was gaining inches (and body fat also I'd imagine) which made my body look a lot "phluffier!" So rather than to blog about how I was NOT losing, I just decided to chill - refocus and revamp. And yes, I'm losing again! I will post a weigh in when I hit my mini-milestone, which should be soon...

Anyways - as you may remember I canceled my Comcast services. No cable, internet or home phone. I was using my cell to get online and going to my local library to study and use the internet as well. When I signed up for my library card, the gentleman explained the features of the website and about checking items out: CDs, DVDs, Audiobooks and regular books. I browsed some of the DVDs just for fun and was amazed to see seasons of Grey's Anatomy and The Cosby Show (the greatest sitcom of ALL times) available. Out of curiosity...I looked up some other shows that I followed closely at some point, but had lost track of over the years and they had Soul Food: The Series and I was ecstatic! Having these shows available to check out by entire seasons at a time really helped me go without cable!

One day while studying there I decided to browse through the non-fiction because I was looking for the Christian-inspiration section. Amongst the shelves was a full health, diet and fitness section! I thought OMGoodness, wow! I bee-lined to the electronic card catalog and looked up Jillian Michaels, and wah-la - not only were her books available, but also all her DVDs as well as the Biggest Loser workouts!!! My best friend recently bought a couple of belly-dance workouts and I decided to see if they had any available. YUP! The new JM Dvd that LeeLee reviewed? YUP! Cookbooks? YUP! In my city, there are different locations but they are linked so that you can request material from any of the city's locations and pick it up at your local branch. I couldn't believe I had slept on library checkouts for so long! Talk about saving money! Most times we can copy recipes we want to try out of a cookbook or write them down. DVDs are a great thing to get from your library because you can constantly change your workout to avoid boredom. You can try something new to see if you like it without spending any cash. So check out your local library, especially if you are near a city because I can almost guarantee they will have something you find useful!

Ups, Downs....and a death.

2010-08-14T23:25:00.000-05:00

I had some awesome results from my 30 day shred challenge. I lost 6 lbs in 30 days and that was while NOT being strict. I have been meaning to do an amazing update about my feelings on the shred, my successes and struggles while doing it, and before and after pics. However....life had a different plan. I have a large and VERY close knit family - and unfortunately (for us) God called my uncle home. I have been mourning and going through with that. Please pray for my family and I. I do not want to disclose any details surrounding the situation, but he was 75 and truly lived a full life. I was blessed to have known him and to have been a part of his life.

Also, I took my USMLE Step I examination WOOT WOOT! So.....before that needless to say, I was underground studying! No seriously....I canceled my Comcast services (cable, phone internet) in effort to focus more. I use my Verizon Smartphone to get online at home now-a-days. I never would've thought I would be disciplined enough to make that kind of sacrifice but I did it, and it did help me to stay on task. I'm not sure that I feel like adding that bill back on now that I know I can survive without it.

With me grieving and studying let me just say.....I'd be surprised if I haven't gained every one of those 6 pounds back. I'm not getting on the scale for a couple of weeks, but I am trying to get back into my routine. I'll be catching up on your blogs for the next few days, hopefully everything with everyone has been GOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Weekend in Memphis!

2010-07-27T18:14:00.001-05:00

Hello Everyone! I pray you are all doing very well! This weekend an old friend was within a 3-4 hour drive of where I reside and called me out of the blue and asked if I'd come for a weekend visit. Initially my response was the same ole automatic monotone "I don't have the time, I have to study, and I don't have the money" His response was...."I'm sure you could use a break knowing your work ethic, you'll be rejuvenated and just get here and I will take care of the rest." My friends all encouraged me to go (those who are also in med school and those who aren't) so I did something completely out of character and acted spontaneously! I packed my weekend bag and hopped in the car the very next day! I'd been saying I need to visit all the nearby cities (Nashville, Atlanta, Memphis) anyway while I am living here, and this was the perfect opportunity. I had a ball! My friend is always great company, is the perfect gentleman, and absolutely did take care of everything....including the entertainment plans. At the risk of setting the feminist movement back a few years....ladies, isn't it nice to have a man (platonic or romantic) take charge and all you have to do is sit back and follow his lead? Well, I thought it was nice! We visited Beale Street, drove by Graceland and the Stax Museum, saw the movie Inception (which was incredibly good) and went to the National Civil Rights Museum. The NCRM was incredible....I think it is definitely something every single person should see at one point in their life. I admit ignorance when it comes to history: both American and Black, I'm no where near as knowledgeable as I should be due to lack of emphasis on this subject in high school and lack of requirements while in college. I learned a great deal and found myself getting extremely emotional by some of the exhibits and documentaries.

Now about the food....I swear living in the south makes you fat. I've said it ever since I moved here. We went to Neely's BBQ, as Memphis is known for its BBQ and as I studied the menu I was appalled. All of the dishes came with the option of 2 sides but not ONE of them was a vegetable! French fries, potato salad, baked beans, and BBQ spaghetti. Simply sad. I should be getting a new phone soon (my current one is a good for nothing PDA phone that doesn't work well at all) and like Ro I will be able to take food pics. I wish I had it this weekend to SHOW ya'll these plates in Memphis! I did take somewhat of a "diet-free" weekend, but still....since I've been stressing that this time I'm all about a lifelong change, that's not to say I didn't make any healthy choices or that I didn't want to eat anything healthy for the entire weekend! I remarked about the menu and lack of vegetables to my friend and he shook his head and said "always the doctor!" which I thought was an awesome compliment! I DO want to be a physician who practices what she preaches! I drank nothing but water all weekend (plain...I didn't even bring my beloved Crystal Light with me) and did some tricep dips with a chair, pushups, situps, and squats in my hotel room on Saturday. When I got on the scale this morning I was pleasantly surprised that I hadn't gained anything! I didn't lose...but I didn't gain and that proves it is possible to go on vacation enjoy myself, indulge a little and still stay on track.

My friend always thinks I'm overboard with worrying about managing my weight and he kept saying YOU DON'T HAVE A WEIGHT PROBLEM! Now...I don't know if he is genuinely confused about why I seems so concerned or if he is just trying to be "polite" and disagree with me, regardless of whether he agrees or not. I got sick of him acting as if I have self-image issues and showed him a few "before" pics from the beginning of the year and he actually was like "Oh...yeah....you were a little bigger." Thank you for validation in what I was trying to already tell you! Seems like guys don't believe me when I stress that I am a woman who has to "watch" what they eat and constantly try to encourage me to make bad choices in effort to show that they are pleased with my body and size as is. This has happened to me numerous times, and it is quite frustrating. Appreciating my body and looks is one thing, however sabotaging my efforts to live a healthy lifestyle is another thing completely. I refuse to allow anyone - friends, family, romantic interests, church members be an enabler or sabotager. I know what my goals are and what my agenda is and I'm going to stick to it!

I will be posting the results of my 30 day shred next week so be on the lookout for that!

Worthy of America's Funniest Home Videos!

2010-07-22T19:15:00.000-05:00

I hadn't planned on blogging today at all. So this will definitely be a quick one. Last night I went to the gym, rather late I may add and said "Okay....let's attempt to run for 10 minutes." I surprised myself by making it to 5 minutes!!! Two minutes longer than my previous "best" effort! Very nice, but still short of my goal. I said okay I am going to walk at a high incline for another 15 minutes then do some stair climbing and abs for a total workout time of about 40 minutes or so. Well, I finished up my 20 minutes on the treadmill and the machine goes into cooldown mode. I hit the "stop" button, hopped off and went to get the sanitary spray and paper towels to wipe down the machine. I step back onto the treadmill, at which point I realize it is still moving!!!!!!! I fall to the side and it throws me off the back into the wall directly behind it. I say "OH MY GOD!" and just stare at the blasted thing. Evidently hitting stop during the cool down just prompts the machine to display the workout summary. It doesn't actually turn the thing off! Now...this lady beside me walking at all of 3.2 mph doesn't even break stride or blink. The lady on the elliptical in front of me turns around and says (trying to hold in her smile) "OH MY, ARE YOU OKAY?!" I get up, say "I didn't realize the machine was still on", and notice her surpressed smile. "Thank you for asking if I was okay before laughing, but its okay....I realize that had to be funny." She then lets loose a wail of laughter and says "I'm glad you're okay." I glance at the woman beside me and I'm still amazed she hasn't said a word...but whatever.

I then promptly texted my trainer and said - this is all your fault! You and your "go hard, every time!" He asked if I was okay...then told me to try the 10 minutes again at a lower speed. SMH. Forever the trainer! lol.

So this weekend I'm going away to a nearby city. Its totally spontaneous and out of character for me to do something this last minute but hey....I need a break. Normally I immediately turn-down something like this but I was just complaining to my friends and family about burnout and this is just what the doctor ordered! I am so excited. I need a break, time away, a weekend to party! And party I will do! I will have to post pics of my outfits!!!! YESSSSSS!

My "best" isn't your best

2010-07-21T20:16:00.000-05:00

So...while working out with my trainer (who've I developed a deep personal relationship with) on Monday....I nearly died. See, what had happened was....last week I was so swamped. I volunteered to teach the teen group at Vacation Bible School, and add that to my school responsibilities, I was exhausted. Translation: worked out very little. So I was totally prepared to "struggle" on Monday...although I wasn't prepared to be quite that bad. Anyways, he was getting really frustrated with me and at one point said "Look, Princess, just shuttup and do it. No more talking, no more excuses. Damn.......if you would just do the shit, we could've moved on by now." So now, I'm jogging AND I'M PISSED! How dare he get an attitude with me when I'm doing my best?!?! Of course, now I'm panting so hard that I can't express my indignation but I held onto it until the workout was done.

"I'm trying!!!!" I exclaimed as soon as I could breath somewhat normally "I'm doing my best and you never EVER give me any praise. I have ONE bad week where I slack off and you don't remember all the other times I did awesome!"

"Your best isn't really the best you can do. Your best is what your mind, not your body tells you is good enough. I know you can do so much more...I know your capabilities by now."

Of course this made me stop and think....I probably do sell myself a little short. In my head running for 3 minutes is good enough because previously I only ran 1-2 minutes at a time. Although I probably could make it to 5 minutes, I accept going further than last time as good enough although I probably could do even better.

He continued after a moment and said "Your 'best' isn't good enough....because I know it isn't really your best."

Well....I can't necessarily argue with him. Now I'm out to change my mindset. I need to stop having a good/hard workout only once in a while and give it 110% each and every time. I need to stop accepting having done a workout as good enough and go HARD everytime, pushing my body beyond my comfort zone. Is this necessary for everyone to do? Of course not. But when I first talked to him about my goals, I told him that's the type of person I wanted to be. I want to be a FITNESS person, an athlete, someone who works out....not just exercises. And God help me....I will be. Operation MIND OVERALL in effect. First goal, run for 10 minutes without stopping.

Am I missing that gene?

2010-07-11T20:38:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure what it is that I am missing - maybe my "fat gene" replaced my "I love to workout" gene, I don't know but working out still isn't FUN for me yet! I find myself thinking about it constantly...what am I going to do today, and if not what then when. I've fallen off the bandwagon of doing it first thing in the morning so more times than not lately I'm up at 1 a.m. poppin' in a DVD. I feel GREAT when I finish, but getting the motivation to get started is the difficult part for me. I'm glad that I'm still going and so thankful each time I look in the mirror that things have elongated and flattened since the start of my journey. But then I see things that should be further along due to my lack of discipline and I get a little frustrated with myself. I keep reminding myself that my original goal was to go back home for the holidays at a svelte 140 lbs or less. So with half a year gone, I essentially have 20 lbs to lose by Thanksgiving. Doable, realistic, and a healthy goal. That being said, I have to keep finding ways to make it FUN for me. This week it came in the form of a well spent $2 at K-mart. A HULA HOOP! Man, I used to love my purple and white hula hoop as a child (although I was never very good at it). And its summer - what says summer fun more than a good hula? So I randomly stop what I'm doing throughout the day (study break, cleaning break) to hula for about 5 minutes. I can do it while squatting, on one foot, rocking....all kinds of ways to work different muscle groups, burn a few calories and have a little fun. I've also used it as my warm up (because I HATE the warmups on my Firm DVDs). Check me out ya'll......

Fun with Hula Hoop from PhluffyPrincess on Vimeo.

What are some secrets you have for making working out fun?

Swim PAR-TAY!!!

2010-07-10T14:02:00.000-05:00

Everyone knows that when adults throw a cookout/swim/pool party - its not actually about swimming. It's about lookin cute in your bathing suit, dancin' to the music, and in my case a lil' flirting!!!! I had one to attend yesterday and decided to pull out a 2-piece bathing suit, just to try on. Not that I am anywhere near where I want to be, but I do see changes in my body....and I also see people with bodies a lot "worse" (meaning more % of body fat, higher BMI, weigh more, whatever you interpret that to mean) than mine rockin' 2-piece bathing suits with CONFIDENCE. I figured....summer is half-way over, I wanna be cute and I have made some progress. So, I whipped out one of my older swimsuits (in a size L) and tried it on. To my surprise, it didn't look half bad!!!!

I threw my hair in a ponytail - then a fake ponytail on top of that ☺(gotta add some sexy, right?!), picked out some accessories, sunglasses and sunscreen of course and went to that party strutting my stuff honey!!! I've been swimming in my apartment complex a lot this summer so far and love the brown-bronzed tone of my arms, legs and back.....however after seeing that I can rock a 2-piece and not look half bad, I've decided that I will definitely be wearing this suit much more often and getting some sun on my stomach too!!!! I look at these pictures and I'm encouraged to keep moving!!!! Summer's not over - I can do at LEAST another 10 lbs before the pool is closed for the year. I will post another one sometime in September I think.....but ya'll let me tell ya, I haven't worn this swimsuit since 2007. And even though I have more work to do, when I looked in the mirror - I FELT GOOOOOOOOD!

A Hard Lesson Learned 17 years later!

2010-07-07T19:27:00.000-05:00

I had a workout today with my trainer. I haven't seen him in a couple of weeks, although I've been keeping up with my 30 Day Shred for the most part. Over the weekend, I kept feeling a little nauseous and just not 100%. Today I started my monthly cycle. Hello cramps, thanks for visiting and reminding me I am female. I am one of the lucky ones though because I only get "bad" cramps every few months or so. Sometimes I have literally painless cycles. Well JULY is one of those BAD months. All day I felt ill, sore, crampy, and cranky. Fast forward to this afternoon. The trainer had me on the stairstepper. OH MY WORD, I felt like I was going to fall off the bottom at any given time. My throat was dry yet my mouth was filled with icky saliva. I felt like I needed to bend over to help alleviate my cramps, but of course then I would have fallen off the machine and injured myself. After a 3 minute interval, it was onto squats and other fun exercises. I was PITIFUL today. I had heard that exercise can sometimes help cramps, but not in this case. Whenever I have a "bad" month, I'm going to relax the first day or so of my cycle. After 17 years of this ritual, I just learned something new about myself and my body. I'm going to sit here with my heating pad, read blogs and watch bad tv for the rest of the evening. No studying tonight!

Oh, how are you all enjoying this heat?! Where I am its been in the very upper 90s/lower 100s. Its helpful to make me drink more water!

Point me please! Back to WW!

2010-07-02T22:36:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have been contemplating returning to the Weight Watchers program for quite some time. One because it works - not only in the sense that there are people who've done it with success, but I have also done it previously with tremendous success. Two - because I'm not holding myself accountable any longer with the Fat Smash Diet. I'm just kind've winging it, and I am consistently eating poorly. Three - because I am ready to be able to EAT WHATEVER I WANT....just in moderation and with accountability!

Last night I went into my kitchen drawer and dug out all of my WW materials. I have the pamplets for weeks 1-12, the Getting Started, Dining Out Companion, AND the Complete Food Companion. Some are outdated as some restaurant's menus have changed and there are a ton of new products that have come out, but I also found THREE point finder sliders and my activity points tracker. So I am all set.

As I looked through my materials, I got really sad and disgusted with myself. I looked at my membership books with my weekly weigh ins....and noticed star after star and loss after loss. I found my Lifetime Membership booklets - yes I am a Lifetime Member. And I looked where I attempted to return after regaining 10 lbs (145 lbs) in March of 2007. The 145 lb entry was the ONLY one in my new book! I even got teary eyed thinking to myself "HOW DID I LET MYSELF RETURN TO THIS SIZE?!" I've already lost over 10 lbs, why didn't I keep going when I was only 145?! WHY WHY WHY?!

I didn't dismiss those feeling, nor did I immediately tell myself to move on, or that its okay because I am losing now. I allowed (almost forced) myself to feel it. Absorb the shame, disappointment, disgust, frustration - all of that. I want to remember how I feel and how difficult it has been to lose the weight a second time so that there will not be a third. I'm not angry with myself, but just severely disappointed. I can and will do better - this is another reminder that I will never return to this size and weight again.

So as I was experiencing all these emotions, I decided I am back to the point system. I realize that some things have changed since the 5 years I have done the program. But I will be doing it the way I was "taught." I am allowed a measly 22 points per day plus 35 "flex" points per week to be used in any way I see fit. Daily, I am to consume: 5 servings of fruits/veggies, 6 glasses of water minimally, 2 "healthy" fats, 2 daily servings. AND I AM TO TRACK MY POINTS! The most important part for me!

Also, I will be incorporating some things I've learned over the past few months from you guys! I will be limiting salt and processed foods and continue to exercise regularly. I will not be utilizing the "activity" points. I don't like the idea of eating more because I've exercised. I understand the theory behind it, but at this point, I am not in agreeance with it for me. I also will be relying on my HEAD to guide me not just the points. I have learned what leaner types of meat are, how to eliminate added fat to my cooking, and how much sodium I should consume daily.

Today was my first day.

Breakfast: Kroger Sugar Flakes (3 pts) and 1 c Cantaloupe (1 pt)
Lunch: Subway 6" Ham & Cheese (10 pts), Light Chips (1 pt), Diet Dr. Pepper (0 pts)
Dinner: Steamed Shrimp and Veggies with A1 Cajan Marinade (2 pts), Homemade Caesar Salad with Light Dressing, No croutons or cheese (2 pts)
Snacks: Grapes (2 pts), Subway Chocolate Chip Cookie (4 pts)

Total: 24 points
2 Healthy Fats ☑
5 Fruits/Veggies ☑
6 cups of Water ☑
2 Servings of Dairy ☑
30 Day Shred ☑

I learned from my first bout that going below by a couple of points is okay as long as I don't go below 20 points. Sometimes I would go as low as 18 which is still okay, but not great. However, as you can see, I had a fabulous first day ending up with 24 total points!

I have a couple of BBQ's that I am going to this weekend. I am making cucumber salad for both. I hope there is enough "healthy" side dishes at each. I'm so focused!

I am happy that I am eating well again. I am happy that I am committed to a program again. I am happy that I am losing weight - lol - okay...so that may be a little premature but I AM CLAIMING IT IN ADVANCE! WOOT WOOT!

Thanks for the Love!!! Awards!

2010-07-01T17:32:00.001-05:00

In case you guys haven't noticed....I am bad about receiving awards. I am ALWAYS so freakin' tickled and touched when I receive one...but I didn't even learn how to add pictures to the sidebar of my blog until weeks after I received my first one! So - if I don't follow the "rules" right away, please just give me a pass. I am going to try to get better at it because I really do enjoy reading the "unknown" facts you all share in your posts. Furthermore, I am always SO touched when you mention me in your blogs!

Now onto business...I received the "Beautiful Blogger" award from my girlie Pam at The Rest of the Journey a couple weeks ago. Thanks so much Pam! I was so super touched by what you said about me! Okay for this award here are the instructions: Tell you seven things about me that you might not know, and then pass it on to seven other bloggers.....

I absolutely love eating sunflower seeds. Not the shelled kind. The roasted and SALTY ones you shake in yout hand, suck on before cracking with your teeth and have to spit out the shell. As you all know I am addicted to salt, but not only that - I find the activity of shake, suck, crack, spit, chew somewhat therapeutic. I used to eat a large bag per day....people from my childhood and college years still ask if I eat sunflower seeds (I was known for carrying a cup or ziploc baggie for the discarded shells) which I do. But only once in a while. When I did WW a few years ago...it broke me of my daily habit. Plus its unbecoming of a lady....as my mom told me every single day.
I have always wanted to be on a game show. I love watching them, participating at home and when the contestants lose I shout "I would've picked case number 4, Howie" or "John, I knew what the number one answer was....I would've WON fast money!"
This weight loss journey + blogging world has inspired me to write a book. As you know I will be a physician in TWO YEARS! I've always been dedicated to preventive medicine and I like to hustle. You know, do something besides your main form of employment to earn income. So I've always said I wanted to be "Dr. Princess" and have a column in a mag where people can write and ask their medical questions. And trust me, that dream WILL happen one day! But...this journey has inspired me to incorporate spiritual, mental and physical health. I've been taking personal notes along the way and already know a couple of people I plan to ask to be contributing authors. Whenever I do it, which won't be for SOME YEARS yet....I will let you guys know and probably send all of my original followers a free copy - after all you were my inspiration! *Sidebar....I can't wait to be done school*
I love karaoke! I can hold a note but I am definitely not a SANGER, but it doesn't stop me from getting up there, belting out New Attitude and kickin' off my shoes in true Patti LaBelle fashion!
I do not keep my hair in the same style for longer than a week. I do it myself as you know, and between swimming, working out and my personal style I get bored if it is styled the same for longer than that.
I have beauty addictions - nail polishes, makeup, hair accessories, skincare products. You name it - I love it and have a full collection.
I also have a magazine addiction - I read magazines as if I'm being paid. Not one in particular....but ALL! lol. Fashion, Hair, Beauty, Combination, Health, Organization, Craft, Shopping, Cooking, Black, White, Latina & I've even purchased a few bridal ones just for fun! I clip the articles of great interest and then throw the rest away every 3 months or so. I love pouring over the fashion pages, getting new inspirations for outfits, hairstyles, makeup looks, recipes, workout ideas, etc.

I also received a "Sugar Doll" award from Trina at MeSoHongry today. Thanks girlie! Trina's little known facts are so hilarious. Hers specified to share 10 things about yourself that your readers may not know. I will continue on the above list, even though it will start counting over...lol.

I'm an extremely talkative and outgoing person. In every school I've ever attended I won the Most Talkative Superlative. I've accepted it and I love me anyway! LOL.
I would love to have been born in an era where people "dressed" for dinner. I love getting prettied up and girly for an occasion and hate that right now, I don't do anything regularly to get pretty for!
Medical school has aged me. I haven't seen any of the Twilight saga and I had absolutely no clue it was about vampires and werewolves until 3 days ago. I find myself listening to old-school R&B and hip hop, or gospel and when I get around my little cousins....I don't know half the songs they love. Lastly....I only had one gray hair that has been there since my teens. Now I have about 5!!! LOL.

That's 10! I hope I didn't bore ya'll too much! Now the more difficult part, because many of my followers have already received this PLUS you are all beautiful bloggers! However both awards state to pass it on to 7 and 10 people respectively.

Lucy at Lucy's Blog
Susan at Susan's Journey to Stay Fit
Lee Lee at Crazy Riffs
Karen at Fitness a Journey Not a Destination
Corletta at Its a New Year: No More Excuses!
Julie at The Accidental Fat Chick
Larkspur at Am I Really That Fat?

Okay so I only named 7 but...that's because I am new to giving blog awards! Hopefully this post didn't bore you too much!

It Feels GOOD! Toot toot Tuesdays!

2010-06-30T00:25:00.002-05:00

Trina @ MeSoHongry has started a fabulous thing with TOOT TOOT TUESDAYS! Click on the link for details, and hopefully you all will participate!

As you know, I haven't been the best example of weight loss for the last few weeks. Although that IS currently changing! However, it doesn't negate the fact that I do have some accomplishments and things to toot about! I started off the year wearing a TIGHTTTTT size 14 and size large everything. Some XL. But recently I went shopping and bought some clothes...check em out!

Pardon the wrinkles...they were in the car for a while as I ran other errands. I spent so little on these clothes its ridiculous. BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS CHECK THE SIZES!!!!!!!

This is my first pair of shorts (other than those short style capris) since elementary school. Yes....elementary. I've always been self-conscious about the way my thighs looked in shorts. So I've opted for sundresses, skirts and capris. However even though I am not at my goal of a size 6 or 8, my thighs are considerably tighter and more toned than I ever remember them being in my entire life! And....I look great in these shorts! Throw on a pair of heels and watch out boysssss!!!! lol. Isn't it great when shopping is FUN again?!

In addition to my "feel good" shopping....I've had some exercise progress as well. At the start of the year, I could not run up a set of stairs, I got winded just walking briskly on the treadmill, could barely do a set of ten push-ups "girly" style and now....

I've run for over 3 minutes at speed of 5.0
I walk briskly at an incline of at least 8.0+
I can do 15 "man" style push-ups

I'm proud of my progress and yes indeed I am TOOTING about it!

Fitness...or Hair?

2010-06-27T02:53:00.001-05:00

Today I attended a wedding of one of the ladies from my Woman's Bible Study Group. I love weddings. They always make me so happy and excited for the couple uniting in Holy Matrimony. I'm at the age where everybody seems to be getting married or announcing engagements, and sometimes it's exhausting - not to mention expensive; but I every single ceremony I feel blessed to have witnessed the couple's union. Today was no different.

However...I set my hair on flexirods. For those who don't know what those are, they are the long (usually 12") foam flexible, bendable rods (come in variable sizes) that can be used to curl or spiral your hair. I used them on freshly washed, wet hair and got these results (and for fun I included the outfit...all of which is in a size MEDIUM!!!!):

Well...I loved it! It took me about 45 minutes or so to rod, 1 hour under the dryer and another couple of hours of airdrying (while I did my nails and feet) to complete. Then...I removed most of the rods and pinned the curls up into place and slept carefully. MOST Black women at one point or another in life have slept "carefully" i.e. on your forehead, in a chair, propped up by your hand, and I am no different. I rotated between arms folded on my forehead with my chest elevated by pillows and keeping my head in the air by holding it with my arm. Completely uncomfortable, but as you can see the curls remained intact and I felt it was all worth it as I received compliments at the wedding. Sidebar: I don't have the tolerance to do "careful" styles very often and best believe after the wedding I piled those bad boys on the top of my hair, slapped a bonnet on and laid down like a normal person! But on occasion I do return to "careful" sleeping for special occasions like this one.

Anyway...I'm digressing. After the wedding, I already began thinking of what workouts I would do where I could preserve my beloved curls for at least 3 days! Before embarking on this journey...this would constitute me to NOT workout until I changed my hair. Yes...I was one of those Black women who would put hair before fitness. I'm proud of the fact that I no longer do that as much, but every once in a while that old person who values a hairstyle so much resurfaces. A HAIRSTYLE, one that can be replicated, redone, recreated as many times as I like will come before WORKING OUT, something that has to be done regularly to be maintained. How ironic and moreover silly is that??? If you Google "Reasons Black Women Don't Exercise" the #1 reason is hair. Harvard University even conducted a study that concluded this...its not just an urban legend.

I'm really proud of myself because I forced myself to NOT be that woman, but rather to be a woman who focuses on overall appearance and health...not just hair. So as much as I didn't want to - I placed a hairnet on my hair to keep the curls gathered and got busy with Jillian Michaels. Today I will do the same as well as jump some rope.

Who can relate to what I'm saying? If not hair then what aesthetic thing will you put before working out? Freshly painted toenails? A spray tan that you don't want to streak? What?

Do they put crack in this stuff???

2010-06-25T07:00:00.001-05:00

Lately water intake has SO not been a problem for me. My aunt (during her visit for my bday) brought some Crystal Light packets with her. We were talking about how drinking our recommended amount of water daily is a challenge for us. She said that the Crystal Light packets have really helped her. Now....I remember giving CL a whirl years ago, probably when I was a teenager and then again when I did WW 5 years ago. And not only did I not like the flavor, but it left a horrible aftertaste PLUS I got headaches from the aspertame. I also tried the Lipton Iced Tea packets when they first came out with the same outcome. So....I wasn't tempted to try it again until after she left and the box was still there. One day I was like...hmmm....lemme give it a try and poured it into my water bottle. *shake shake shake*

The flavor was Raspberry Green Tea and I fell in love. I could not believe how tasty it was. Not overpowering, not too subtle, no bad aftertaste, no resulting headaches, and it didn't taste like DIET! I mean I love it! I immediately went to the store and bought 2 more boxes. I was too scared to try another flavor until I was raving about it to a couple of my friends who said "Oh yeah....I like the _____ flavor, its really good." I started thinking....did everyone know about the "new" Crystal Light except me??? Yes, I am convinced it is a new CL, because I would have remembered anything that tastes this good! I found it for $1.97 at Wal-Mart and went CRAZY!!!! My favorites are the Fruit Punch and Peach/Raspberry Green Teas. Even the Wal-Mart brand isn't bad, and it only costs $1.50/box! I throw a couple in my purse for when I'm out and craving a DRINK....not just plain water. I've even given a packet or two to my classmates at lunch and they love it also. I realized I was drinking it so much that I had to make an effort to make sure that I have some regular unenhanced water as well, however.....

I do think I am addicted. I haven't had anything to drink other than CL and plain water in weeks!!! And regular juice or soda couldn't look less appealing to me at the moment! It can't be that good, can it? Do they put crack in this stuff? Who knows, but until I start seeing a negative effect on my body....I'm a Crystal Light girl forEVER!

I promised you NUMBERS....

2010-06-24T18:53:00.001-05:00

Another reason I love blogging is you can look back and see what worked, what didn't, and what needs to change. I was so saddened when I looked at the past month of posts. A bunch of excuses, goals that I fell short on, and stagnation on the scale. Well...I can promise those types of posts are over! I know it has to be tiring for ya'll to read that crap consistently also! So....I said next post would be about hard core numbers and dagnabit IMMA GIVE YOU NUMBERS!

As promised, I restarted Jillian Michaels the other day, but I wasn't doing the 30-day shred, it was just one of the BL workouts on Exercise-TV....which was equally difficult. But today I restarted the Shred. Yes...the 30 day Shred. Which I love anyways, but have never done for 30 days straight. But the time has come, friends, for me to get shredded!!!!

I have taken all of my measurements and my weight for the start. I will report these numbers again at the conclusion of my 30 days which will be on July 23rd. I decided not to wait until a Monday...or the first. I needed to start right NOW.

Weight = 161.0 lbs
Bust = 37" (can I just say I'm happy with THAT number!!! lol)
Chest = 31.5"
Waist = 34"
Hips = 41.5"
Thighs, Right = 23", Left = 23"
Calves, Right = 14", Left = 14"
Upper Arm, Right = 13", Left = 12.75"

Now....I know some of you are sailing along in the Shred....but if there is anyone else that wants to start with me, let me know! This isn't a challenge, but its nice knowing as Jillian is saying "this is where change happens" Miss Haneefa, Susan and Melissa are enduring it also. Come on and join us!!!!

New plans!

2010-06-23T03:51:00.001-05:00

I've been in a reading and commenting flurry for the past hour or so and there is too much good stuff going on with you all to mention each by blog and name. So if I fail to credit your blog...please forgive me. I usually try to link to the post where I gained my info or inspiration from, but since I was on a blogcation (due to my study schedule)....I had to catch up on everyone's plans.

Now one blog I read about a month ago from Annie was about how its all about her. How she'd whine about the scale not moving, why she wasn't at her goal, etc etc...but when she really sat down and started to think about it, it was really her own fault that things weren't going well as far as the scale was concerned. How she'd justify eating something she should resist (a second slice of cake for example) because she worked out extra hard that day. I realized I do the exact same thing.

Pam at The Rest of the Journey recently began following the Weight Watchers plan. Her reasons were so sound. She realized she was able to have success up until this point with just cutting back, eating cleaner, exercising and making better choices. But to get her to the next level in weight loss she felt she needed to up her game so to speak and be a little more disciplined in her diet. I agree for myself. I need to do something MORE than my current diet plan. I tried to avoid counting, weighing, measuring, writing, tracking, and adding at all costs. BUT....if it ain't broke....don't fix it right?! I am seriously considering revisiting Weight Watchers. I know the plan, I am comfortable with it, it isn't as restricting as my current plan and it worked. What is stopping me, is I want to be sure that I will be successful with MAINTAINING my weight loss. I'm not concerned about getting there. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I will see 135 by the end of the year. Yes, I am claiming it. Yes, I am saying it. Yes, I am bold, confident and sure of myself. But the question is...at the close of 2011, 2012 will I still be seeing 135 on the scale if I return to Weight Watchers? Hmmmmm......

For those who watch the Biggest Loser, you know how someone almost willingly sends themselves off the ranch saying "I've learned what I need to do, I can do this at home" and the other contestants get upset with them and say "There is no way you've learned all you can about weight loss. We all need to be here, there is more for us to learn."? That is how I feel. While I am very sure that I will lose the weight - and I will....I am not confident in my long-term maintenance abilities. Over the past 6 weeks I've eaten fast food, gone back to my one meal a day habit, and eating way too many sweets in one sitting. I want to have that same confidence that I KNOW when the time comes, I will be happily maintaining, not struggling with every food choice I make. I'm not there yet. Definitely not.

I just am ready to see success on the scale again. Not to discount the importance on NSVs but...I need some big numbers lost on the scale to motivate me ya know? And its not just for motivation...I need to get back to losing. This is a ridiculously long plateau...and its not even really a plateau cause I know full good and dang well I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing! I looked back and my last few posts and I was tired and disappointed in all of the whining, the struggling, the excuses, the gains, and all of that jazz.

I'm ready for a great post with great information and great weight loss numbers. It's summer and I'm trying to get my sexy back ya'll! Sooooo - I'm seriously getting on with it. This is the last "pump me up" post. Next one will be some numbers, hard core on the scale numbers!!!! Its do or die time....I'm bout to turn my swag on!!!! *looks in the mirror and says "wassup?!" to reflection*

I'm currently doing the Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred along with Melissa, Susan, and Miss Haneefa (check out their blogs....look at my followers to find them). I'm going to restart it tomorrow cause I was sick as a DOG this weekend...I had serious gastrointestinal problems, the details of which I will surely spare you! lol.

I'm back and have a lot to say....

2010-06-14T03:09:00.001-05:00

I'm still in the fight for weight loss. However, I haven't lost anything since we last "spoke." I actually was up to 163 but now I'm back to 160. I have been working out regularly, but not eating cleanly, healthily, dieting....whichever term you use, I have not been doing it. I honestly believe part of the reason I've been struggling to get back on board is because I was away from my blog. When I did WW in the past, I don't think my success was due to the plan....I think it was the accountability. I'm an over-achiever.....so I didn't want to get on the scale and have anyone tell me I was "up" any pounds. I wanted to show that I could do it, if to no one else but to myself, and by being weighed in weekly it kept me honest. I appreciate you all so much for being my "lady behind the desk" and being concerned about me while gone. I realize, that I while I can do it without you - I don't want to. I know I will be much more successful with you. I've missed reading your stories, encouraging and supporting you, joining your challenges, giving cyber hugs, and literally smiling so hard at the screen when you report a milestone that you've surpassed. It is amazing how much you have come to mean to me.

Now onto some of the life type updates...

My laptop died! But I gave it electric shocks and brought it back to life! That would've been a disaster of ginormous proportions! So I'm glad I could cancel that funeral!
My brother has been on a workout plan and has helped a young girl at church lose about 40 pounds in a little less than 4 months. And I am jealous! Like deep seeded jealous! I feel he hasn't called me, supported me, encouraged me, helped me at all! And although this young lady is 21 (and at 21 when I did WW the weight did fly offa me) and is a completely different person than I am, I can't help but feel she has taken up time that belongs to me. And she's being doing that in other ways with my brother as well...and here is the only place I will allow myself to admit my jealousy aloud.....which feels good to let out.
I've been concentrating a lot on my spiritual growth. I changed churches a few months ago and have gained so much knowledge since then. It was truly divine intervention that led me to this church where I am being provided exactly what I need. This is partially the reason I was away from blogging.
I met someone very nice. I will update on that in the future if there is still something to update on at that time! But I pray that it is something that will bring me happiness and content and not pain or hurt. And I believe God will graciously answer that prayer. And regardless of whether it leads to friendship or a relationship, that is enough for me!
I am studying for boards....the MAIN reason I've been away from blogging. Once a certain length of time goes by it feels like I have too much to say to do a "quick" blog! So....I end up putting it off until I have more time, which of course never seemed to come! Hence the reason I'm up at 3 a.m. typing!
I have not and will not stop losing until I have reached my goal. No matter whether I am blogging or not, trust me, I am in this to win this. Whether I have setbacks, gains or losses, I am in this for life. Never will I disappear and say....I just gave up. No No NO NO NO! NEVER! 20 years from now I hope to be blogging (about maintaining my loss of course) and continuing to talk about my journey. This is for life! 135 here I come!

In any event, I appreciate each and every one of you and will do my best to catch up on your lives, weight loss journeys, in one case pregnancy, and recoveries. You all are definitely in my prayers....especially Tammy for a permanent position and Pam for reasons she knows. Seriously, I mean it - I have been praying for you regardless of the length of time I've been "gone." Now....back to the regularly scheduled weight loss! XOXOXOXOXO!

I'm Alive!!!!

2010-06-09T01:37:00.000-05:00

Oh gosh.....it has been WAYYYYYYYYYYY too long! Thanks to those who left comments....I am so sorry if I caused any of you one minute of worry! I will be back tomorrow with a REAL post! Luv ya'll and "talk" to ya soon!

Life Happens!

2010-05-20T14:24:00.000-05:00

Saturday I was in a fender-bender type of accident. I was hit on the side of my car while backing out of my parking spot...which startled me and made me panic. So what did I do? I hit the gas instead of the brake pedal...and ram past the car to spin into a 3rd car! *Sigh* I felt fine afterwards but the next day my neck and back were SOOOOO stiff and sore! Now, on Saturday...guess where I was on the way to? Yep, the gym! Needless to say I didn't make it that day nor Sunday. Monday I got back to working out but was so sore during and afterwards that I decided to seek a chiropractor's care. My diagnosis was moderate whiplash with some soft tissue inflammation. Naturally I asked to see my x-rays and was properly amazed by seeing what my spine looks like photographically. I could see the whiplash - which of course fasinated me! Med students can be so corny...I tell ya! Anyways, I've been seeing him all week and am feeling better. He said I could continue to work out - although hesitantly, but warned me against doing anything too high impact or that strains my neck/back. So I've done very limited ab work, no zumba classes (the jumping would get me, I'm sure) and no jumping rope. But I've been working out EVERY day, but only for 30 minutes. I am giving myself a pass on weight loss this week due to the stress and interruption of my regular workout schedule. But, I'm proud that I didn't use this as an excuse to stop exercising altogether. If you are anything like me, once you stop....its SO difficult to get back going.

Based on the location of the initial impact...it hasn't been determined whether it was my fault or not. I am praying to receive favor in this situation. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, throw a prayer up on my behalf also, please!

I've stopped with the takeout but still haven't gotten back to my regular "schedule" of eating. My aunt is visiting now (I'm disguising my blogging as studying....don't worry I am gonna study!) and my mother will be here tomorrow for.....my birthday! YAY!!!!! I will post some pics from tomorrow....I PROMISE!

Weigh In (week 16) & Thank you!

2010-05-15T14:47:00.000-05:00

What a difference a good purging makes! I feel 85% better about everything. I am so deeply appreciative for your comments on my last post! I didn't know if it would seem weird to others or unrelatable but thank you & reading what you had to say really helped! I will do one short little update - the ex and I spoke one final time and he asked to come visit me. At this point I calmly say - "our story, volumes 1 through 20 are finished. No you may not come visit me." Reaffirmation of God's answer to me - would I want someone who is willing to "visit" (note the quotation marks...I mean really you are gonna travel hundreds of miles to say only hi?!) a woman other than their fiance?! Absolutely not. Thank you Jesus!

Now back to our regularly schedule program. I've been picking it up at the gym! Dare I say...I am starting to like exercise? Um...maybe not quite like, but appreciate how it makes me feel and how far I have come fitness wise! Yesterday I did 30 minutes of intervals on the stair climber and 15 minutes on the treadmill, followed by 15 minutes of ab work. I relaxed in the sauna afterwards - not without spritzing my hair with conditioner first (of course! lol) and as I left the gym...I felt AMAZING! Sweaty, funky, stanky - but still so good!

I didn't eat badly yesterday but today I've gotten back to sticking to the meal plan 100%. I won't hit my 153 goal by Friday...I have to re-evaluate the way I think about my goals. I think in my head it goes something like this: Let me set a really high goal and even though I doubt I will reach it...it sounds good to strive towards. I need to really commit to my goals and realize that I can do it! And then just go ahead and get it done! I am still wanting 25 lbs lost by the first day of summer. So...I am going to get this one. The Cute as a Bunny, Beach, and personal Birthday challenges were all fails for me....I'M GOING TO GET THIS ONE!

Stats for this week: Down 0.4 lbs to 160.0 lbs.
Goal for this week 2 lbs. I've yet to lose 2 lbs in 1 week and its about time I experience that high!

Struggling....

2010-05-13T01:19:00.001-05:00

I've been away from blogging for what seems like a while. Because although I don't post daily, I usually am online reading a couple of times per day at least. For the past couple of weeks, I've only been skimming posts or not reading at all. So if you've posted and are missing my normal comment - forgive me. I've really been going through a few things lately...

My most significant ex re-entered my life...and we were working towards friendship. He constantly spoke about exploring more, but I learned that he had a girlfriend. One thing I do NOT do is provide an outlet for men to cheat. Not never, not ever! I had someone do me so wrong in so many ways, that I'd never want to be the one to do that to someone else, even if I don't know her. Anyway, he said some things that made me wonder if I should have forgiven him sooner, should allow him back into my life, if he was the one for me etc etc. I decided to pray about it. Man, when you need an answer from God, HE SURE gives it to you. The next day my ex and I were casually talking on the phone and long story short he says he's engaged. Basically....because I wasn't interested in doing anything over the past 6 months he decided he would go ahead and propose to his girlfriend. This stunned me into hurt silence. The impression he gave me was that he was with this woman, but it was not serious and that if I was willing to take him back...he'd be here in a flash. Its been YEARS since I've talked to him at length. But I am so happy I prayed about it - because God sure provide me with a clear, definite answer. Although I was surprised and hurt - I thank God for answering so quickly. That being said...I'm exhausted from being hurt and the revolving door of relationships. So of course, this event made me go to the place of wondering if love, marriage and happiness is in my future. All I can do is continue to pray about it.

This blog is not about my life, but let me just say this...for the short time I've been on this earth, I've been through SO much relationship wise. People twice my age in marriages are surprised when I share some of my history. So anytime I end up hurt....AGAIN....it always makes me doubt whether or not I will ever get married. And I'd love to be one of those women who is like I don't care, if it happens it happens, marriage isn't everything....but the truth is I want marriage and I want kids. And every time I end up hurt it takes me a long time to get over it and be open to even meeting someone new. Like I will date casually but the thought of beginning yet another relationship just drains me to even contemplate. So I feel that each "ending" or whatever just sets me back further. For goodness' sake, I just started dating regularly again after my last relationship ended - and that was a year ago. *Sigh* Okay - enough about that.

School is also not going as smoothly as I would like. It's hard. It's difficult. It's tedious....and seems never-ending. I just cannot wait to be finished. The fact that I attend school away from my friends and family makes it worse. I get homesick, I miss them, I want a hug.

I HAVE been working out regularly. But my diet has been terrible! It's like I just can't seem to get it back under control. Its not always that I have high-calorie foods, its that I'm not eating 3 meals, or I am eating a lot of high carb foods, or fast food, or no fruits and veggies. I mean its really bad!!!! I get a little bit of success and go off the deep end! I've got to really figure out what it is about my thought process that is causing me to slip so deeply back into my old bad habits.

Okay....I suppose this is enough of a pity party. But I have not spoken to anyone about all of this. I told my BFF about the ex...she provided amazing support. I tried talking to my mother about school....but that was a fail. And the diet...well I haven't vented about anyone. The problem with me is, I never show vulnerability to anyone or weakness. I've realized this past year that when I am "having a moment" and actually express that I am struggling...nobody knows how to react! Their response is "Oh Princess....you'll be okay, you're so strong, nothing ever bothers you...." Sometimes I just need to cry and have someone comfort and encourage me...ya know?

Anyways...I'm sure I'll be back to my old self soon. I've asked God to please get me through this QUICKLY so that I can continue to do what I need to do to improve my life. Continue in school, continue to lose weight and eat healthy and continue to have faith that He will provide the desires of my heart.

Need new workout music?

2010-05-08T02:37:00.001-05:00

I've expressed how I need to change up my workouts pretty frequently because I get bored easily. So one way I do so is adding new music and creating a new playlist for my i-pod. If you are anything like me, you are constantly saying "Oooh, that's a good workout song!" whenever you hear an upbeat song come on the radio. So last night I made 2 new playlists and am eager to exercise today and try them out!!!! Just in case you are also in need of new music I decided to share them...I know Miss Haneefa is always updating her music also. And sidenote...I can't wait until I get a new phone and can listen to Pandora!!!!

For these playlists....I went back to the 80s and 90s....every time I hear these songs it brings up a memory!!!!

My "New Jack Swing" Playlist: (who didn't love Teddy Riley?????)

Candy (Cameo)
MotownPhilly (BoyzIIMen)
I Wanna Sex You Up (Color Me Badd)
My Perogative (Bobby Brown)
Don't Be Cruel (Bobby Brown)
Word to the Mutha (BellBivDeVoe)
B.B.D ((BellBivDeVoe)
Poison (BellBivDeVoe)
What About Your Friends (TLC)
Ain't too Proud to Beg (TLC)
Baby Baby Baby (TLC)
Iesha (Another Bad Creation)
I Like (Guy)
Feels Good (Toni Tony Tone)
She's Playing Hard to Get (Hi Five)
I Want Her (Keith Sweat)
Rub You the Right Way (Johnny Gill)
Groove Me (Guy)
Rump Shaker (Wreckx-n-Effect)
Somebody for Me (Heavy D)
I Wanna Be Your Man (Zapp) - cooldown/stretch

My 90's HipHop Playlist:

Renee (The Lost Boyz) - warm up
Hip Hop Hooray (Naughty By Nauture)
All about the Benjamins (Puffy)
Let me clear my throat (DJ Clue)
Ladidadi (Doug E. Fresh)
I Ain't No Joke (Eric B & Rakim)
Hypnotize (Notorious B.I.G.)
Juicy (Notorious B.I.G.)
Woo-hah (Busta Rhymes)
Jump Around (House of Pain)
Rollin with Kid n' Play (Kid-n-Play)
Ain't my type of Hype (Full Force)
The Show (Doug E. Fresh)
Rock the Bells (LL Cool J)
Money Power Respect (The Lox)
Push It (Salt-n-Peppa)
You're All I Need (Method Man feat. Mary J. Blige) - cooldown/stretch

Weigh-In (Week 15)

2010-05-07T15:05:00.000-05:00

Up 0.6 to 160.4 lbs. Two things:

1) Its that TOM so I am hoping I am retaining water and
2) My area had a natural disaster. In the 3 grocery stores by my house there was no meat, dairy, produce, or frozen anything. I had plenty of meat at home but no veggies, so I have been eating out a lot this week. And not good stuff either...sorry to report.

I've been exercising...but I realize that the same things are not causing me to gasp for air, be sore, or fatigue me the way they did even just a month ago. I've got to step up my intensity. I went swimming yesterday and swam laps. And let me just say...as fun as it was, I definitely burned some calories because I was gasping for air after each lap!!!! LOL. Not a great week, but noting to be depressed about either....I am going to 2-a-days this week. Two of my May goals are to exercise 400 minutes per week and to complete 10 2-a-days. I'm going to get that crackin' this week!

Is that ME?!

2010-05-05T00:19:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but whenever I am in the store - and I catch my reflection, I stop and examine. Now, when I was my heaviest....I would purposely avoid looking at myself. And its not only with weight. If I was having a horrible hair day, wasn't wearing any makeup, or my skin decided to regress to my teenage years....I tried not to peek. However if I caught my reflection, I would stop and reflect. Now that I've started losing weight, I have been anxious to start seeing the results. I fit my clothes differently, no question about that. But do I see visible results....not quite yet. I see some changes but I haven't lost enough to look in the mirror and say "WOW!" yet. I figure part of the reason is because my mind hadn't accepted just how heavy I had become, so now that I've lost a little bit, my body is simply at the point that my mind thought I was. LOL.

However...today I caught my reflection in the security camera at a fast food restaurant (getting a salad). Normally - no matter what, I am disappointed with the image of myself on those things. The color does weird things to my skin, it doesn't pick up the shine in my hair, and everyone knows the camera really does add 10 lbs!!!! Because I am aware of those distortions, I don't even take it to heart. But - when I glanced up today, I said to myself "Oh my gosh - is that me?!" I looked....thin! I surreptitiously turned from side to side to make sure what I was seeing was accurate and sure enough - I looked....thin! Not skinny, not at my goal...but improved, that's for sure! And I got excited. It is the first time I really noticed my weight loss aside from the just-out-of-the-shower-bathroom-bright-light scrutinizing that I do every week after my weigh ins! Then I am usually turning from side to side examining different areas for changes - and sometimes I see them, sometimes I don't.

Today's reflection surprised and pleased me. I walked out thinking "Yep...that is ME! And we're only going up from here."

This Weekend: Date, Hair, Nails, & Church!

2010-05-02T12:00:00.001-05:00

This wasn't a great weekend for me food wise. For some odd reason I decided to celebrate my week's victorious loss with....Mexican on Friday. And I got such a yummy meal. It was orgasmic. Definitely not something I can have often, it was a tower of meat, tortilla, cheese sauce....but so so so good! Then Saturday I had Subway for lunch - hello sodium, welcome back. Then I went on a date that evening...I chose wisely but still...home-cooking is usually safer. Nevertheless I am back on track...and still plan to lose this week. No more celebrating until my birthday - at which I should be 153! (that's the goal anyways....)

I painted my nails in a cheetah print pattern and I love the results. I went on a date Saturday and wore a pair of large cheetah print earrings, cream blouse, black wide leg pants and cheetah print shoes. I noticed the outfit fit SO NICELY! Everything was a medium, but previously the wide leg pants fit nearly like stretch pants over my booty and thighs. But now, they hang and go straight down, no curvature where they are adjusting to the fat thighs being shoved in them! I looked very nice if I do say so myself. Too bad the date was ~~bad~~ terrible! The guy was SO SELF-ABSORBED! He talked about himself, practically non-stop (I had to just interject here and there) and didn't ask me a single question. Not one. I mean - I talk a lot, trust me. But if someone asks "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" and you proceed to talk about each of your siblings in detail, their ages, what they want to be "when they grow up" and even their HAIR (one has dreadlocks like him and the sister just cut hers, toldja he talked a lot, why else would I know all of this already?!) - dontcha think you should at least return the question back to me?!?!?!?! I mean if nothing else and you are unable to make pleasant convo, simply return the questions you are asked. Sheesh. I will ~~not~~ NEVER go out with him again, needless to say...the sad thing is - he will never know his faults. I think he is one of those types that attracts women so frequently that he never had to develop a nice personality....not sure what his deal is, but I'm not going to be the one to straighten it out. I kind've got that feeling when I first met him, but decided to go out and give him the benefit of the doubt. EPIC FAIL.

But here are my nails and earrings, and my hairdo! I had a flower clip in the side and had kind've a retro-pin up look going on in the front. SO FREAKIN CUTE!!!! Don't you love those days when everything is working for you? Hair is right, skin & makeup glows, outfit is on point....well I had one of those days Saturday. And even though the date was bad....I still liked getting prettied up.

Church was also very good. The sermon was about God taking you through something you thought was impossible. And when He does that for you, be sure to have landmarks and souvenirs so you can look back and remember where He brought you from and so you can testify and witness to others. This is as the Israelites did with the stones after they crossed the Jordan river (Joshua 4:19-24). Awesome message....God truly has brought me through many "Jordans" in my life...things I didn't think I could do, and definitely wasn't able to do on my own.

Well - that was my weekend...how was yours?

Weigh In (Week 13) & Beach Challenge Results

2010-04-30T11:55:00.000-05:00

I CHANGED DECADES! I wanted it SOOOOO badly for this week! Starting May in the 150's...bye-bye 160's foreverrrrrrrr! As for the Beach Challenge, I began at 163.4 and now I weigh 159.8 so I didn't lose the 10 anticipated pounds. And that is OK...I still had a great month with a 3.6 lb weight loss. And I really did give it my all - I kicked up my exercise and worked out almost everyday (except the few sick ones I had), I drank a TON of water, cut back on my sodium, found some new workouts, and stuck to my diet plan much more consistently. So with that said...I can't be disappointed in myself!

One thing that pisses me off is I don't think my scale is 100% accurate. I think its close, but if I get on it 10 times in a row...it will give me 10 different numbers. I do think I weigh 159.8 because yesterday morning I weighed the same. But...maybe I will start weighing myself at the gym in the same clothes each time....I haven't decided yet. And maybe it isn't that big of a deal. I mean the scale isn't WAY off - I just wish it were more consistent.

So now for this weeks reflections...I realized that my body does not lose weight easily. I mean I worked out 14 of the last 16 days, drank nothing but water (at least 8 glasses every single day) and STILL didn't lose as much as a person who follows my plan would. I finally recognized that I was having too many "cheat" meals & snacks mainly because I was combining the FSD with calorie counting - which for many MANY people would probably work, but not me! I had to buckle down and stick to my plan much more closely than I had been doing - although I still had some cheat days. Actually on Tuesday I had a double cheeseburger meal from McDonald's - my first fast food meal since 2009. I planned on having Subway, but ended up not finishing my day until after 9 p.m. - all the Subways were closed and I was hungry enough to gnaw off my left hand. I know that it is imperative that I do not allow myself to become that hungry, and for the most part I have prevented it from happening. But even despite that meal - I had a great weight loss this week (for me). So I am thinking that cutting back on salt may have been the reason for my big number.

For example, yesterday I grilled fresh chicken tenders on the George Foreman instead of having my usual Butterball processed chicken strips from the grocery store. I seasoned them only with pepper, garlic & onion powder and left out the Seasoned Salt which would have been the first thing I added before. They tasted so good and I stayed wayyyyyyyy under my sodium consumption for the day. Instead of having Progresso's Lentil Soup (canned) I made my own. Rather than having lunch meat I had a Morning Start Black Bean Burger - still a convenience item, but it had much less sodium. It was difficult at first but I feel I am starting to find my stride with the salt reduction. Thank God for MyDailyPlate.com though because I would not be tracking the sodium on my own! LOL.

I loved reading your comments on yesterday's blog. Clearly I was in "I'm going to take over the world" mode...but I meant every word! Thanks!

May Goals & Progress Photos

2010-04-29T13:50:00.000-05:00

May will be a great month for me. I am hitting my stride with my eating habits and exercising. I'm decreasing my salt intake everyday, drinking a lot of water and feeling more and more motivated as the temperature increases. My birthday is in May....which represents a new beginning for me. 27 will be MY year. Last year...it kicked off with my ex breaking up with me in the most unpleasant fashion. Sounds horrible, right? Well it was! (although now the memory doesn't bring any negative emotions, thankfully it is just a memory).

During my 27th year of life I will reach and maintain my goal weight, exercise regularly, be an example for my friends and family, grow my hair long, eat healthy not by force but by habit, do amazingly well in school, grow spiritually and become closer to my God.

27 is a year that I am claiming in expectation of all the great things to come.

Okay so now for my specific goals:

Decrease my sodium consumption below 2300 mg at LEAST 5 days of the week.
Exercise 400 minutes per week
Complete 10 two-a-day workouts (approximately 2x per week)

Now for the comparison pictures. After reading a post from Miss Corletta I decided to take monthly progress pictures (she will be taking them weekly). These pics aren't quite a month apart, but I know next week I probably won't have a chance to take and upload any. The ones on the left are from April 1st, those on the right are from this morning. I am feeling really good about my progress - I haven't lost much weight but you can certainly see a difference, right?!

I am hoping that tomorrow's weigh in tells me I am in the 150s....that was the goal for the week! *crosses fingers*

Sodium Cutback...I'm doing it!

2010-04-26T19:42:00.001-05:00

Okay when I first realized how much sodium I consume, I was appalled. I knew I had a salt problem, but seeing the actual numbers was jarring. So I set out to cut back...and after a couple of weeks of trying to cutback...I finally accepted that it isn't just added salt & seasoning that I use in my cooking - its the actual ingredients themselves. I rely heavily on canned, frozen and processed items to make cooking quick and easy. So it didn't matter that I was more aware of added salt because my sodium consumption was still through the roof!

In this month's issue of Shape magazine (with Ellen D. on the cover) there was an article that talked about the dangers of consuming too much salt. Among them are increased blood pressure and increased LDL. Also I am at risk for renal failure due to a strong family history of polycystic kidney disease - which is another reason I really want to cut back on salt. The Shape article suggests staying below 2,000 mg of sodium per day*. Today my total was 2056 mg! Not as low as I would like it to be, but I am progressing. I wonder if it will make a difference in this week's weigh in.

My day:

Bfast: Hard boiled egg, yogurt & water
Morning snack: Apple
Lunch: Casear salad (homemade with LF dressing and no croutons)
Dinner: Large Black Bean Soup (from Panera)
After dinner snack: Sugar-free Jell-O cup
All I've had to drink today is water.
50 minutes of cardio

Now...I know the calories are really LOW. But I am full and as you know from my last post I am truly trying to stick by the FSD. So we will see how I do this week.

*Correction: The article says "Experts recommend limiting sodium to 2,300 mg and saturated fat to roughly 18 grams per day." I went back to check after Tammy's comment. Thanks!

Birthday Countdown

2010-04-24T13:48:00.000-05:00

My birthday is at the end of May - 5/21 to be exact. My mom, 2 aunts and cousin will be visiting me. I ~~really want~~ plan to be 153 by that point....a 20 lb weight loss total! I am going to go very VERY hard for the next 4 weeks. My goal is to lose 2-2.5 lbs per week. Another HUGE goal - but I've learned from doing the Beach Challenge that it IS possible, I just have to be disciplined and diligent.

Starting today (Saturday) I have been timing my meals, eating every 3 hours without fail. After re-reading a couple of chapters of the FSD thoroughly yet again, I realized I was missing a major principle that Dr. Ian thought was key to the success of his program. Eating on a regular schedule. As I said in a previous post, I plan to stick to the diet to the letter "T" no deviation, no improvisation. I will continue to write down what I am eating (Dr. Ian actually suggests keeping a food journal) just to ensure that I am doing all the right things. As much as I don't want to admit it, I realize that maybe I haven't been as "good" as I think I have. Okay...no maybe about it, I haven't! lol. I haven't been terrible, but I have some extras here and there. Just being real.

Okay - so again, I am going back to Phase I to jump start me off. I realize that when I am following Dr. Ian's plan (I even looked at the Extreme Fat Smash Diet to compare) I don't always hit my recommended calories, depending on the phase that I am in. However, I am not going to change or deviate - I am going to stick to his plan. I know it works, there are thousands of testaments to support it, I know its healthy, and I know I can do it. So...yes I am still tracking but I am not going to try to combine 2 different plans. This time when I re-enter phase III, I will be sure to re-introduce pasta (whole wheat of course!) and rice into my diet. I've been cutting them out, because of the Atkins and South Beach rage a few years ago, its ingrained in me that they are the devil! LOL. I haven't had pasta at all in 2010.

By Memorial Day, I'd love to be in the 140s....but I won't push my luck! LOL.

Weigh In (Week 13) - Great week!

2010-04-23T11:58:00.000-05:00

DOWN 1.8 LBS = 161.6 lbs.
I had a pretty good week! After my 1 lb gain last week I really kicked it into high gear. The words from my trainer helped and also (as mad as he made me!) and DEFINITELY my new smaller measurements were encouragement to continue going! So this week, I re-read a couple of chapters in the FSD book and tried to re-direct my eating. And as for the scale, I am ecstatic! This is the most amount of weight I've lost in a week and the 150's are sooooo close! I am going to be there next week, before May, I can feel it and I am claiming it!

Okay, so I have no chance at meeting the Beach Challenge goal...but hey, I did get a personal record out of it. 1.8 lbs is a HUGE number for me!

Hits:

Drank at minimum 2L (64 oz) of water per day, usually more
Exercised everyday this week, longer than 30 minutes each day!
Starting to enjoy exercising....finding myself making it a priority, finally. YAY!!!!

Misses:

Didn't eat as many fruits & veggies as normal...need to get back to 6 servings per day
Cannot control overeating on sweets. Whenever I bring in a snack item (pecan rolls, brownie bites) I can't seem to stop at one serving. So I have to go back to not having it at all until I can control myself. Really sounds pathetic, but I'm just being real.
Still have to cut back on salt even more, but I am definitely more conscious of it. I'll get there...

Here's what I did this week:
Sunday: Walk/Jump rope interval outside
Monday: Personal Training Session
Tuesday: 500 jumping jacks + 500 Jump rope
Wednesday: PT session + 500 Jump rope
Thursday: Zumba class (1 hr) + ab work + elliptical 20 minutes
Friday: Zumba class later...not sure of what else

Jumping Rope...for kids and for ME!

2010-04-22T14:16:00.000-05:00

When I was little, all you had to do was walk for a couple of blocks and you would come across a group of girls jumping Double Dutch. And if you couldn't jump - well you know you were a TURNER! Am I right? I mean we had songs and games that we played IN the rope. And not only did we jump until we messed up, but we took 3 turns each! Not a family gathering or BBQ went by without somebody bringing a rope, either! Ok...so it was a clothes line, but hey that was the best kind, right?! Nowadays, I can drive for miles and not see a single rope outside...and we wonder why our kids are overweight?

I remember we had a BBQ at my Uncle's house and I brought a rope for my little cousins to jump with (they were around 7 or 8 at the time) and NOBODY knew how to jump OR turn for double dutch and one of them didn't even know how to do single jump rope. I was appalled! Now I realize DD may be cultural - not everyone grows up doing it, but SINGLE jump rope?! Then I started thinking about it and none of the cousins younger than me know how to jump DD - not a single one. Not surprisingly, most are struggling with weight issues now (from age 12 - 20). Now it isn't all about jumping rope, it is about the lack of outside activity period...but still, it does make you think right?

Anyways, I have been incorporating jumping rope into my workouts. Walking at the park and stopping for 100 jump intervals - increases the calorie burn from just a regular walk. I have jumped 500 jumps straight (with water breaks), 100x100 jumping jacks and rope jumps alternating until a total of 500 each were reached. I really have been enjoying it, I feel its a great way to build endurance and OH BOY my calves have been singing. I am trying to go 30 days straight jumping rope in some form.

I don't remember it being this hard 20 years ago...lol. I wish I had some DD partners now, I find that such a fun activity!

Amazing Non-Scale Victories!

2010-04-20T12:13:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, my trainer took my updated measurements. I don't keep the paper so I can't tell you the exact numbers but one that sticks out in my mind is that I went from a 36" waist to a 34" waist! That is a 2 inch loss in 6 weeks....I'm very pleased. Other notables were 1.5" from my arms, 3" lost from my hips,1.5" lost per thigh, 2" from my bust. I lost 1% of body fat also - I am now at 32% (this is the only number I am genuinely confused about....I feel I've gained a LOT of muscle).

I felt I looked smaller...but with the struggles on the scale I've been having, I couldn't be sure if it was reality or wishful thinking. My stomach does look pretty freakin great, and my thighs are definitely more toned! Inches lost...I will definitely take that as a victory.

My overall goal is for my waist to be 30" waist...the other measurements I am unconcerned about for now.

It does feel good to have some amazing numbers lost somewhere, even if its not on the scale. My trainer said something big to me when I was complaining about the small amount of body fat lost. He said "You need to stick to your diet." I was irritated and said "I DO!!!!!!!!!! THAT AIN'T IT, TRUST ME!" Sidenote: My trainer and I are the same age and have a great relationship, so I had no problems telling him like it T-I-S (said Bernie Mac style, R.I.P). He said "No, I'm not saying you aren't watching what you're eating. I'm saying that you change stuff up too much. You don't see pounds lost, immediate results then you are steady trying to figure out what to change and adjusting stuff. Whatever diet you are doing, just stick to it and be patient - stop changing things every few weeks." That was a real epiphany moment. Because I am CONSTANTLY re-evaluating, adjusting, thinking of ways to help me lose MORE, etc. So I decided to relax, stick to my most recent change which is a combination of The Fat Smash diet + calorie counting. I will continue to set mini-goals for myself, but I will stick to this with NO changes for 1 month straight, no matter what the scale does. He also told me I need to workout harder...for this comment he earned the middle finger gem....I was pissed! How dare he tell me I'm not working out hard?! Then...I thought about what he was saying. Do I push myself, really PUSH myself during my workouts, or do I just do them? Again, I had to admit he was right. I sometimes walk at the park, which is great, but I could run. I do an exercise DVD I take mini-breaks when I feel I "can't" go anymore, when I'm with the trainer I have a solid workout for every 3 times we meet. So I've decided that I've got to really make my workouts count. Yesterday when I was with the trainer I sweat to the point it dripped onto the ground...THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN BOUT! I never do that on my own! Yes, I workout all the time but I have to really concentrate on doing more than I think I am capable of to see the results I want. So....I ended up sending him a text msg later admitting he was right...I need to push harder. Dangit, I hate admitting when I'm wrong!

In any event, I am getting it done - slowly but surely and I'm satisfied. However, I need to work to the point that I am proud of myself, and that will happen when I work as hard as I possibly can and then I will feel okay about miniature losses on the scale. When you know I've put my all into it I will be happy regardless of anything else.

Personal Challenge & Family Successes

2010-04-18T14:48:00.001-05:00

This week I am challenging myself to consume 64 oz of water per day. My "normal" previous goal (which I've met) was to consume at least 32 oz, but ideally 48 oz. I drank 64 oz yesterday and felt much less dehydrated than I normally do, even with the 32 or 48 oz. Plus I am really noticing my skin clearing up! YAY!

About my family - as I've noted in the "about me" section, we have a fat gene. To be honest....I don't know if we are genetically predisposed to being overweight or if we just have a family legacy of the women being overweight, but in any event, my family (particularly the women) struggle with weight issues. However, within the last 6-8 months, we have had so much success as a FAMILY with weight loss!!!

Cousin #1 - male, 26 years old. thin during childhood and early adulthood, began gaining weight after college, marriage and 3 kids. Lost approximately 30 lbs to get into shape. Motivation: admission into the armed forces. Method: drinking more water, working out 5x per week, and simply "watching what he eats"
Cousin #2 - female, 32 years old. 3 children. Thin until pregnancies...gained at least 100 lbs after all 3 kids. Going through an very painful divorce...depression jumpstarted weight loss. However, she then began working out and watching what she ate. Weight lost: unknown, but she is looking really good!
Uncle R: overweight as a child & adult. Recent health problems: COPD (severe) & rheumatoid arthritis. Began the Fat Smash Diet with me. Is doing extremely well despite being unable to exercise (recommendation of his doctor was to ONLY walk and very low intensity due to blood clot complications...however his arthritis prevents him from being able to do so). He has never been able to successfully lose a significant amount of weight. Weight lost: about 15-20 lbs.
Cousin #3 - female 36, single, no kids. Struggled with weight problems since childhood. Got progressively worse as an adult. Has had coronary blockage, referred chest pain (similar to what happens during a heart attack) and was scheduled for gastric bypass/banding surgery. We spoke - she was going to try to lose it on her own. She has lost 25 lbs and decided to cancel the surgery!!!!! Working out regularly, watching what she eats, being patient...
Brother: 31 years old, single, no kids. Never really had a weight problem, maybe just a few extra pounds to lose at certain points in life. VERY skinny as a child/teen. Went through a bad breakup, depressed and lost 7 lbs without trying. Decided to keep going...has lost 1 lbs total which was his goal. Methods: cut out all "extra" sugar from his diet, stopped eating out, drank nothing but water.
Father: thin as a teen/young adult. Gained weight after having kids and kept going. Chronical yo-yo dieter. Decided to do exactly what my brother did. Has lost a little weight so far. I actually doubt that he even plans to keep it off...but he's happy with being able to lose it.
Grandmother: 79, lives with Uncle, so she's been losing by default! LOL. She's lost 7 lbs so far! She also works the front desk at our local community fitness center/gym so she rides the recumbent bike a few times per week. Sidenote: my granny is a huge source of inspiration for me. She still WORKS, DRIVES, and lives on her own! (my uncle is staying with her, not the other way around)
I have a few more, but you get the picture. We are also doing a family weight challenge (which I initiated) from Feb 1st to June 1st. We teamed up and reported our combined weights. The team that loses a) the most amount of pounds and b) the highest percentage of weight loss will win prize money. My uncle and I are on a team together....I have high hopes we will win!

I am so ecstatic about all of this. There are a few people that haven't jumped on the bandwagon, but I am SO HAPPY that we are changing our family legacy!!! I think we should be featured on Oprah! LOL.

So...yesterday I did indeed go for a walk in the park and I took my jump rope with me. Walked for a bit, did 75 jumps. By the 2nd lap around the park, I was up to 100 jumps per break. And I felt so extremely accomplished. I will do the same today...already changed out of my church clothes. Let me just say that I am loving the fact that I am actually enjoying my workouts!!!

Weigh In (Week 12), Beach Challenge, AND Zumba!!!!

2010-04-17T15:59:00.000-05:00

Ok - My first official gain! SMH. 163.4 (up 0.8 lbs). But no worries, I am back on track. The scale kicked me in the rear to get my life together! lol. After being sick and slacking on exercise for a week, I also wasn't cooking. I got super busy and with being under the weather just didn't feel like putting the energy into meal-planning and cooking. So all of that contributed to my gain, I'm sure. I'm most likely not going to get 10 lbs in 2 weeks, so the Beach Challenge will be a "technical" fail, but it doesn't matter, I will still work hard for the remaining 2 weeks for a respectable number! lol.

I have been back to my daily exercising. Yesterday I went to my first Zumba class (I know, I know, I'm late) and I am hooked! I absolutely loved it! Got up this morning for another class! And surprisingly I sweat and felt like I got a great workout. Plus, instead of my normal 30 minute shot, I worked out for an hour. Several community centers around my city offer fitness classes, some free others cost a whopping TWO DOLLARS!!!! That's what I'm talkin' bout!!!! So - I have renewed enthusiasm about working out! Next week I will be doing water aerobics, belly dancing and zumba. Watch out now! I've been back on my game with my food plan also.

Pam (from The Rest of the Journey) posts regularly about her visits to the Farmer's Market, which inspired me to seek out my local market. I got a bunch of goodies at less than grocery store prices so I was very happy about that. Thanks Pam!

It is such a beautiful day, I think I will go for a walk in the park...that'll be 2 workouts today! YAY! :-)

You wouldn't believe what I went through...

2010-04-15T22:30:00.000-05:00

Just to find a fitness class today!!!! Okay you guys may remember a while back I posted that I wasn't learning to love exercise like some of you have? It's still true...I am still plugging along but I realized that group fitness classes and intramural sports may be the best thing for me to be involved in long-term. I enjoy those activities more than just getting on the treadmill, walking at the park, riding my elliptical or doing a DVD. Some people use the solitude of those types of work outs to think, plan, meditate, contemplate, push themselves, etc. I do those things during other activities so honestly I don't LOVE solo workouts! I do enjoy them from time-to-time, but I'm looking at the long term big picture. I want to make sure that I find things that I will continue to do....FOREVER.

So...the tennis camp that I was so excited about? Um, it was in a different state. Same city name, different state. LOL. After that fail - I went online to find a local gym that had workout classes. See, my gym only costs $15/month and the personal training sessions are the cheapest around - BUT no group classes at all. So I found one, signed up for a free 7 day pass and today got dressed, wrapped my hair in my gym scarf (a pretty presentable satin scarf unlike my bedtime one!) and hit the door. I get to the gym location only to discover it had gone out of business...UM...I received a confirmation email about my 7 day pass and everything! Why the website is still up and running, I have no idea... *sigh* So now, I'm like now what? I do NOT feel like going to the gym to do a solo workout...my mind was all set to do a class!!!! I ended up stopping by each and every gym near my home to see if they had fitness classes that you could pay PER CLASS. I did not find any through those methods, BUT one gym would allow me to take one class for free. So, today I enjoyed "BodyPump" at a local gym - a very high intensity weight training class that is an entire body workout. Its a nationally taught program and I'd highly recommend it. I much prefer those types of weight training sessions rather than using the machines. I have no idea why...I guess because I do different muscle groups back-to-back with little rest in between I feel I am burning more calories. Hence the reason I enjoy the personal training sessions so much.

When I got home, I immediately hopped online and found a local community center that has a bunch of fitness classes that I can take for only $3 per class, PLUS adult tennis intramurals! Tomorrow I will be taking a class and investigating the tennis. So I am hoping that I will burn a bunch of calories tomorrow plus discover a way to get back into a hobby that I love. Cross your fingers for me!

Tomorrow I will update you on how badly being sick threw me off...smh, I'll be surprised if I haven't gained! lol.

Changing up my Plan

2010-04-13T17:25:00.000-05:00

I enjoy The Fat Smash Diet and I will continue to utilize most of it. However, I don't think *NOT* counting or measuring is the best method for me to actually lose the weight...however I do think it is a great diet to help me maintain my goal weight. I plan to not abandon the FSD completely but to count calories as I do it. I realize that when I am following the diet alone, I am either undereating or overeating! And I think that is why I am struggling with consistently losing the amount I think I am capable of. For those who are unfamiliar, the FSD is specifically a non-counting plan, but that isn't working for me totally so I plan to count calories and eat from the "allowed" list of the FSD (I'm in Phase III currently). A few weeks ago, when I hit a plateau, tracking via LiveStrong.com helped me lose a good number the following week. You'd think that would motivate me to continue to do so, but no I didn't. I also went back to Phase I of the FSD as well though, which I don't want to have to do every other month. I don't think its necessary either. So - from here on in, it will be the FSD plus calorie counting. And once I really get the hang of staying within my range of 1150-1300 calories I should be near my goal weight and I'll be able to just do the FSD and work on maintaining my weight. I am excited to reach my goal weight, but you know what excites me even more? Maintaining it, living the life of a healthy, active and fit women for the rest of my life. I am not even kidding. I am more excited about life 10 years from now than I am about wearing "skinny" clothes this summer. This is definitely a different attitude than from WW 5 years ago. At that time, I was more excited just to be thin, to have lost the weight, to be and feel cute. Of course I was happy to be eating healthy, but it was a very distant motivator. I realize that I have finally "gotten it." It being the thing that reassures you that you will be living a healthy lifestyle forEVER. Now I just have to work on tweaking how to actually lose the weight! So I hope to see a really good number on Friday since I will be working double time for the Beach Challenge!

Weekend Successes!!!

2010-04-12T08:13:00.000-05:00

I have a few things to be proud of regarding my food choices this weekend. I went out with a friend to Olive Garden (his suggestion) yesterday for dinner. In preparation, I ate a late lunch so that I wouldn't be starving and looked up their menu and nutrition information ahead of time. I settled on the Minestrone soup and the garden salad without any croutons. I got to dinner and stuck to the plan! Normally I have a very hard time resisting the breadsticks, but I wasn't even tempted! I had no problem admitting to him I was on a diet when he looked puzzled as to why I wasn't enjoying the bread with him. He actually asked about my diet, how it worked and details about what foods I could eat, etc. I was so proud and excited because these choices ARE becoming a lifestyle change. I seriously was not tempted by the heavily sauced, carbohydrate filled dishes on the menu, nor the warm garlic bread on the table! I decided on what I was going to have, stuck to the plan, and I loved my soup!!!!

Also, I went shopping on Saturday. I really don't need anything, but it was such a gorgeous day and I didn't want to stay inside! I bought a couple of tunic tops and 2 miniskirts. Now, my idea of a mini-skirt aren't those teeny hankerchiefs being sold in the junior stores...you know the kind you hold up and ponder "Who on Earth would wear this?!" and kids with responsible moms wear colored tights beneath them...you've seen those, right? Well, not those! Mini as in above the knee but still decent. LOL. I bought one from the junior department in Macy's and one in a size 10 from NY & Co!!!! Two big deals! I haven't been able to buy bottoms from the juniors in forever and before beginning my diet....size 14 skirts were a little snug in NY&Co. In addition, I bought some accessorizes to "spring up" my wardrobe and all of the items were great buys. I actually will take a pic of my buys and post for you to see my awesome deals. I shoulda thought of that before posting this time. :-)

I'm not going to be weighing in until Friday for the Beach Challenge - gives me time to do some damage control from my non-active week due to my sickness. I think it will be a good one!

Torso Exposed

2010-04-10T00:40:00.000-05:00

Okay - at this point I cannot even remember who started this blog trend, but it is amazing! I knew as soon as I read the first one (Arms Exposed) that I would participate and reading everyone else's has been inspiring as well. My arms are my #1 trouble zone, meaning that even at my goal weight I feel my arms are slightly disproportionate, however I can always deal with larger arms. Never have had a problem showing them. Now...my biggest insecurity is my stomach/torso area. My back has fat rolls now (Yuck!) and my stomach pokes out entirely too far. In fact I had to take these photos several times because I suck my tummy in unconsciously and it took me a while to really let it all hang out for a "real" photo! My goal is to wear a 2 piece bathing suit this summer with confidence and feel and look good. Whelp here goes...my fat filled, stretch marks on the side, back fat torso! 163 lbs...

Sick...

2010-04-08T23:50:00.000-05:00

How on Earth did I catch a cold when the weather has been at least 75 degrees or above?! Um, from my Daddy! Him visiting was awesome, but he could've definitely kept this! I felt so awful today, just stuffy and bad enough for it to bring me down. I haven't worked out yet. But I just changed my clothes. I am going to do a DVD or On Demand ExerciseTV video...haven't decided yet. My workout yesterday was lackluster as well...I need to get better and get better QUICK! I definitely do not want any setbacks!

Uggggghhhhhhh - this is exactly why I should be taking my multivitamin everyday!

Weigh-In (Week 11) & Challenge Updates

2010-04-07T06:22:00.001-05:00

162.6 lbs, down 0.8 lbs from last week, 10.8 lbs lost total. I'm still having trouble accepting how slowly my body is losing the weight, but I am no longer disappointed with small losses. Slow and steady (as you guys have told me via comments!!!). I'm proud that I've not gained any weeks so far and that is a victory for me in 11 weeks!

I was a part of Trina's Cute as a Bunny Challenge. The goal was to lose 7 lbs in 7 weeks. I began the challenge at 167 lbs and since I weigh on Wednesdays today is the final weigh in for me. Altogether I lost 4.8 lbs. I had some weeks where I didn't lose an entire pound and others that I stayed the same. However, although I didn't get the 7 pounds, I am happy with my performance in my first ever challenge!!!

Which brings me to my next point - Tammy's Beach Challenge! Read the post I did on it if you missed it! I'm going to switch my weigh in days to Friday for the rest of the month for the purposes of the challenge. The goal is to lose 10 lbs in 1 month. I will be a grinning, skipping, giggling fool if I achieve that!!! Since the start of the challenge, I've been exercising daily to help meet that goal and I plan to exercise 2x/day three times per week.

Thursday (April 1) = only 20 minutes on the elliptical (hadn't seen the challenge yet)
Friday = 30 day Shred with Jillian Michaels
Saturday = 45 minutes at the gym on treadmill (intervals, walking, jogging, running)
Sunday = 45 minute walk at the park
Monday = personal training session at 5 p.m.
Tuesday = didn't have time to workout but cleaned my apt, took all the trash down to the compactor on foot, not by car as usual.
Wednesday = have a P.T. session at 5, will do 30 shred in a few minutes...

I've been drinking pretty much nothing but water, so that is one thing that I struggled with in the beginning that I really have made leaps and bounds of improvement in. I just wanna see that scale move just a bit faster, but so long as I don't gain, I'm happy!

Thank you ALL so much for your comments on my last ranting post. Some were so touching, they brought tears to my eyes. It was such a moment for me, realizing that you not only sympathized but empathized with me. Thank you very much.

Here are some pic's of what I've been eating lately.

Homemade Spicy Seafood Soup & Side Casear Salad (note only 5 croutons!)

Right now....I really dislike my father.

2010-04-04T02:03:00.000-05:00

Warning: long, rantful post. And I have an awesome, amazing dad...just right now, I want to say something that hurts his spirit the way he's hurt mine.

Growing up I was around 125 lbs at 10 years old. Not fat at all. Heavier than some kids, but smaller than others. I played sports year round. However, I've always had a heavy "build." When I was 10 I got my first period and my "woman" shape began to form. My dad noticed that I had very thick calves and from that point on, made it his duty to forewarn me about my pending weight troubles. His concern was that I'd become like his mother, aunts and sisters - extremely obese. I stayed thin throughout high school as I continued to play sports. I wore a size 7 in juniors throughout high school, I remember buying 27" waist jeans, my prom dresses were all sample sizes (my uncle is a designer, most were a 6, some size 4s). And I won homecoming queen, despite a face full of acne. Yet he continued to tell me that I'd "better watch it...when you stop playing sports you are going to have a weight problem." Deep down, I knew he was trying to prevent me from being overweight. In his words, I was trying to "save me from having problems." When I got to college, his prediction came to fruition...I graduated in 3 years and over all 3 years gained 25-30 pounds. I was about 160-165 when I graduated from college. The following year I went through a depression as I received rejection letter after rejection letter from all the medical schools I applied to. I gained another 10 lbs topping out at 172. In January 2005 I joined Weight Watchers with my mom and lost the weight. I distinctly remember my mom and I saying...let's not say a word to Daddy. We'll just SHOW HIM! He constantly had something to say about our weight. He had some weight to lose himself, probably about the same amount that we did to be honest but appointed himself guardian of our weight for whatever reason. Well, I lost the weight and then got into a graduate program. When I came back home for spring break the following year I was about 145 (my goal weight was 135 so I had gained 10 lbs in about 9 months) as soon as I walked through the door my father said...."OH MY GOD, YOU ARE OBESE!" This pissed me off to the highest degree of pisstivity. I actually was starved from traveling all day and had expressed that to my mom the entire ride home from the airport. After hearing that comment from my dad - I passed on dinner and went upstairs to my room to call my then-boyfriend about it. I was so upset. No "how is school?" or "I'm proud of you" until he had gotten the weight comment out first. And my stomach was growling and I was going to NOT eat because of what he said. My ex-bf basically said, stop acting anorexic and go eat. I realized I was taking it to the extreme. Never one to hold my tongue, I went to my dad, mom and brother and expressed how them constantly commenting from the time I was in the 4th grade until then had hurt and the "obese" comment was over the top. Besides which I informed all of them, I weigh 145. Only 4 lbs above the "healthy" weight range for my height and FAR FAR away from being obese. My dad was like, "well, maybe by your standards...." Mind you, I was in a medical graduate program in preparation to get into med school. I think I just may know a thing or two....

During this conversation...everyone treated me like a hysterical, overly sensitive female who was irrational too emotional to express a civil thought. Which infuriated me! How could they not see how damaging they were being?! The fact that I was driven to want to go to bed hungry, or crash diet because I was going to see my father - that wasn't enough?! That doesn't speak volumes?! Everyone tried to pacify me once I began sobbing and saying "sorry you were hurt by that." It upset me even more because my dad specifically didn't understand WHY I was hurt, wasn't sorry for what he said, and still thought I was being over-sensitive. He has even said on several occasions that I need to toughen up.

Ya'll....I am not an irrational woman. In fact the men I date often comment how they almost enjoy disagreements with me because I can be rational in spite of being upset. But I saw that despite my best efforts that night was not going to be the one to get him to understand my hurt. So I let it go. After beginning this, my final weight LOSS journey of all times, I identified more of what I was hurt about. My dad is here visiting so I thought it a good time to bring it up. I explained to him that he had always warned me about my pending fatness, but never EVER did anything to educate me on how to prevent it. He never led by example. I KNEW that once I stopped playing sports I would most likely gain weight....however....I was not in the habit of working out at the gym. Never in my life have I known my dad to go to a gym; Once he did run outside for about 2 months consistently - but it was during his lunch hour...I never witnessed it. So I explained that had I gotten into the habit of healthy eating, understanding what foods weren't good for maintaining a healthy weight and why, and saw parents as examples of exercising regularly - maybe I wouldn't have had the struggles I have had. I proudly told him, this was the last and final time I am losing weight. Seriously, this is forever. I will be working out forever. I will be eating fruits and veggies, lean protein, limiting on takeout and fast food for the rest of my ENTIRE life and I'm going to teach any children I may have to do the same.. He said...."I hope so...but the percentage of people who do that are slim to none. Its practically impossible." WHAT?! Why can't you just say, "I'm glad you've finally figured it out" or "That's great - that's what I've wanted for you all along." or how about the best one yet "I wish I had been able to do that for you."?!?! Nope...my dad is the classic yo-yo dieter - and feels that is a good way of life. 10 lbs gone, 10 lbs gained. Repeat. Now repeat times 10-20 years. Sometimes 20 lbs gained. Sometimes 15 lost.

The conversation took a turn for the worst. The edge in my voice lost its careful "I'm talking to my daddy" reverence. I all but had to prevent my neck from snapping back and forth at him. Three hours into the conversation and he finally admitted he said I was obese knowing it would be hurtful, but hoping it would motivate me. I told him hurting me on purpose, no matter how well-intentioned was NEVER acceptable. And if he thought I was going to let him get away with it again, think again. *Then I got scared he may slap me!* But this was after a bunch of back and forth about how the ends justifies the means and how he will continue to speak up on things in my life if he feels he needs to - in other words he'll take the same approach again about whatever he needs to in the future. He kept saying "I'm sorry you were hurt....BUT" or "I'm sorry you are so sensitive about this" Which would infuriate me even further and I'd tell him not to apologize if it wasn't sincere and he wasn't apologizing for the right reasons. We ended up agreeing to disagree because he wasn't going to see it my way, and I know I wasn't seeing it his way. He even asked why we are still having the same conversation after so long - I told him because he's never admitted his responsibility in 1) hurting my feelings 2) not giving me the proper tools and education to truly prevent me from gaining weight as an adult and 3) for not recognizing the problem when I brought them to him in a direct manner.

I know some of you have issues with your hubby or bf - mine is my dad. I swear I wanna reach my goal weight tomorrow, fast forward 15 years and show him not only have I maintained, but I've taught my kids how to eat healthy and live an active lifestyle. Especially since he doubts that I will do anything close to it. Saying in a snide way "I hope you do" makes me wish he wasn't my dad so I could slap the taste outta his mouth. But he is...so I blogged instead.

Go 'head Jennifer Hudson!

2010-04-03T09:47:00.000-05:00

I thought Jennifer Hudson looked great pre-baby, sure bigger than most Oscar winners and top recording artists, but great nevertheless. But she has recently slimmed down a LOT more with the help of Weight Watchers. She's their new celebrity spokesperson!

Check out the article here. Although now she can afford to have a personal trainer work with her everyday - Hudson is no stranger to losing weight on her own, the non-celeb way! The season she was on American Idol, I was a faithful watcher and voter. In fact when she was booted off, I vowed to boycott all future seasons, that's how upset I was! How all 3 of the black women on the show, who had rave reviews the night before ended up in the bottom 3 I still don't understand....but I digress! But I remember on the show, she had already shed 60 pounds with the use of martial arts and tae-bo. She still was thicker than most, but she looked great and I admired her discipline to lose the weight. In the article it states Hudson lost between 0.5-2 lbs per week - Hallelujah I feel vindicated from my tiny losses! LOL. In addition to Weight Watchers, the article states that she has sessions with a personal trainer nearly every day. If someone who trains with a PT every single day and is following a weight loss regimen such as Weight Watchers is losing what I am losing, I feel great about that! :-) Way to go Jenn!

You can view her commercial at the Weight Watchers site!

Beach Challenge - I'm IN!

2010-04-02T11:47:00.000-05:00

I'm always up for joining a new challenge if I know it is one to which I can commit. Tammy at From Fat to Fab is hosting a Beach Challenge. From my knowledge the basic rules are to commit to losing 10 lbs by April 30, in anyway you choose to achieve it. Now, given my track record of loss, this is a VERY ambitious goal for me! Maybe not even practical by some people's standards...but I am going to give it everything I have. I weigh 163 right now, and just the idea that by May I could be 153 seriously encourages me. My birthday is at the end of May and if I could be in the 140's by then (also my mom, and a couple of aunts and cousins are coming to visit) I would be absolutely ecstatic. I think it is possible! I really do, down in my spirit. I've inspired others to start the Fat Smash diet and in 2 weeks they've lost about 7 lbs. It doesn't make me upset, it motivates me. Its nice to know others on the same plan and to know they are having such great success makes be believe it is possible for me to get 10 lbs in 30 days!

My plan of attack - continue to exercise 5 days per week. 3 of those days, do 2 workouts, morning and evening. I have the time for this (single, no kids - all I have is my books!!!) if I make the time. I have finally been drinking water consistently - I plan to continue to have at least 32 oz of water per day. 1 bottle per workout is 16 oz...1 with dinner and another throughout the day would give me 48 oz, I should be able to hit that. And I'm going back to journalling on LiveStrong.com my food.

I also did Trina's "Cute as a Bunny" challenge for Easter. I will be posting the results of that on Wednesday (my official weigh in day).

I did Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred this morning...this evening I may do it again or I will hop on my elliptical. For breakfast I had egg scramble (with low fat cheese) and a half Flat Out Italian bread. Already had 16 oz of water and dinner is made - veggie stir fry with beef. :-)

The scale is my friend!

2010-04-01T10:29:00.000-05:00

This is in response to a comment on yesterday's weigh in asking how I feel about the scale. The person had several great points, and even said that her friend who doesn't weigh in is having greater success. Also, there are many of us that have to walk away from the scale for a while because we become too driven by its display each week. I thought long and hard after reading that comment...and the conclusion? The scale is definitely my friend! Hell, I'm on my way to falling in love with it!

I only lost 0.6 lbs this week. It didn't send me into a depression or make me not want to eat or even over-analyze my process. I just thought about what I did well and what needed improvement. I am still early in my weight loss journey (10 weeks) and adjustments will need to be made and that is exactly what the scale tells me. I also can get over confident with a good week (as happened between this week & last week) and fall off track a bit. The scale's feedback is essential for me. I need to know that what I am doing is working and if i need to change anything. Once I hit my stride, I will still continue to weigh myself weekly. In fact Diane at Fit to the Finish even posted about daily weighers versus weekly weighers. I don't think getting on the scale indicates that you are obsessive. In fact I believe just the opposite. Being able to get on the scale and digest what it says - not internalize it, agonize over it, or dissect it - means that I have power over my scale. I am comfortable admitting where I am, what I weigh and measuring where I need to be. Before the New Year, I began not weighing myself. I was just too scared of what it would say. I ended up gaining weight and being much more depressed about what my mind "imagined" I weighed then when I was actually getting on it regularly. I don't like being 163, but I like knowing. For me, making myself NOT step on the scale gives it way more power...

So to answer the question "How do I feel about the scale?" - I feel great! I may not like the number it gives me, but I love the guidance it provides. Its not so deep for me that I need to avoid it like the plague. I recognize all the non-scale victories I've been having as well, so its all love between me and my scale!

Weigh-In (Week 10) & New Finds!

2010-03-31T07:57:00.000-05:00

Well, I lost 0.6 lbs this week giving me a 10 week total of exactly 10 lbs. I'm pleased that I am continuing to average at least 1 lb per week BUT SHEESH....next week has to be better!!! My short term goal is to have lost 25 lbs total by June 21st (the first day of summer) and to achieve this I only have to continue to average 1 lb per week. I can't wait until I change decades and get into the 150's!

I did relatively well last week, although I did have that one bad day on Sunday. My workouts were much more intense than I had been doing and even a little longer - but I didn't do as many days as I normally do. I finally fulfilled my water intake goal!!!! Thank you LORD! So I wasn't perfect last week, but I doubt that perfection exists as far as me and this weight loss journey is concerned. I am proud that I've made so many positive changes in my lifestyle and just need to work on consistency.

I know I've mentioned this before but my skin is sooooo much clearer! I've suffered with teenage cystic acne since I was 10 years old and as I've aged it never "went away" like other teenagers, but morphed into adult acne. There was a time that I hated to be outside without some coverage on my face - at least powder, but usually full liquid foundation. Now, most days I only wear tinted moisturizer and powder. While my skin still has many flaws and imperfections, I still love it - because it is such an improvement from last year this time! Can't wait til my momma sees it! My dad is coming for a visit this weekend (spring break) and its his first visit to me without my entire family - so we will spend some awesome quality time together, and I already have a guest pass for him to the gym!

I tried 2 new items this week - Hood Calorie Countdown Fat Free Dairy Beverage and Flat Out Light Italian Bread/Wraps. I use the dairy beverage in my smoothies. I've taken to having a smoothie EVERYDAY, sometimes twice per day. While I don't use a lot of extra additives I did want to make sure each drink was around 150 calories and this helped me to do so. Also, my aunt bought me a Magic Bullet (which I am in love with thus far - despite the many mixed reviews on this product) and mixing a smoothie and cleanup has become a breeze! Smoothies have become my indulgent treat and with just fruit, ice and the dairy beverage they are around 70 calories. Sometimes I add fat free yogurt, sometimes not. And the wraps - oh em gee! - I've had tuna wraps, breakfast wraps, grilled chicken wraps and egg salad wraps. I love those things!!! Even more than my beloved pita pockets!

Has anyone else tried the Hood dairy beverage? What do you think of it? I was curious what you ladies, especially those that are more ingredient conscious thinks of the product. While in the grocery store and examining the nutrition info, I actually wished I could call each one of you and ask - HEY, DO YOU THINK THIS IS A GOOD BUY?! lol. So if you are familiar with it, let me know your thoughts - thanks! :-)

Sorry such a long post...but I am full of things to say today! Have a blessed day!

Today was GORGEOUS!

2010-03-30T17:53:00.000-05:00

I hadn't planned on blogging today, but I had an awesome day - so I thought I'd share. It was sunny all day and in the mid to upper 60's. I came in & changed into my workout clothes and just stood out on my balcony and felt the sunshine. No way could I take myself into the gym. Absolutely no way! Last week (I was wearing workout clothes and had just come from the gym) I sauntered into a clothing boutique to browse and got into friendly conversation with one of the sales women. She ended up telling me about a beautiful, well kept and safe park only about 1-2 miles from the store (which would be about 2-3 miles from my apartment). I was really excited because today was the perfect day to go take a look! It is GORGEOUS! Well populated but not crowded and has an awesome walking trail. Part of it is by a stream! When I got to the part by the stream - I actually slowed and stared! I wished I had my camera so I could show you how pretty this place is! I walked for about 35 minutes, then did step ups (using the bleachers), tricep dips, squats and lunges. Altogether I worked out for about 45-50 minutes and I was so UN bored! I will definitely be revisiting that park - SOON if weather permits. Another reason to look forward to warm weather!

Church Sabbotage!!!

2010-03-29T08:16:00.000-05:00

That's right....the place you'd not expect to have any trouble with food!!! CHURCH! This weekend my church had their 147th Anniversary celebration. With every service and program, food was served. Originally from NJ, I now live in the south - and it was good ole down home cooking! Fried chicken, hot water cornbread, sweet potatoes (with tons of sugar), macaroni & cheese, tons of cakes, pies, cookies, cupcakes, sweet tea, lemonade - AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I did well the first day...even the second day....but SUNDAY got me! I was hit & miss - one good decision followed by a not-so-smart decision. I opted for the baked (not fried) chicken (with a ton of salt) but instead of taking the skin off as I should've, I ate it....and SAVORED IT! I had a drop of mac n' cheese (not much about 1/4 c), but passed on the cornbread, had green beans (with a ton of salt), but had some sweet potatoes (OMG, they were good!), chose water, but had a piece of chocolate chocolate cake.

The only thing I wish I hadn't done was had the cake. The other choices, I can live with - after all I am human and they weren't terrible choices. I didn't have huge portions either. But that cake....it was calling me. I originally did not take a piece, but then, as I was sitting at my table, person after person sat next to me with desert! And I was feeling good because my belt was 2 slots further than it was before Christmas! So, I figured, okay, I will indulge. I'm not devastated or anything by my choices, but definitely reflecting on them. Dang that chocolate cake!!!

Working out. & Epiphany

2010-03-28T07:01:00.000-05:00

I've been following Julie (visit "The Accidental Fat Chick" here - awesome blog!) as she competes in her gym's "Around the World" challenge. I am not sure of all the competition details but I am assuming you travel enough to go around the world. Anywho, I have been reading all about her amazing workouts and it made me think about my own workouts. I still am struggling to go beyond 30 minutes per day. Not because I am incapable, but because for as long as I can remember I've only done gym workouts in 30 minute sessions, unless I was taking a class or was participating in sports. I remember the days of the 80s and 90s when exercising 20 minutes 3x per week was standard! Friday was the first day I went beyond 30 minutes. And I felt great! I began to think about my life beyond reaching my goal weight. I know I will reach it, I've proven that before and my personality is an OCD one (lol), but what is going to ensure that this is forever? I thought it was forever LAST time! So I really am more concerned about maintaining my weight as opposed to reaching it. I'm still young, marriages and pregnancies are going to happen, Lord willing - and those are obstacles that cause many women to gain weight. I realized as I followed Julie's workouts that the thing I enjoy most about exercising isn't exercising! It's competition. I wondered, what would motivate me to workout that hard? I'm sorry to say but it isn't losing weight alone that will do it for me. Anything where I have to play someone or beat someone will motivate me to continue. So that is my plan! I will still workout at the gym, but I will join a tennis league, eventually run marathons, play raquetball....anything of that sort feels FUN to me. With this in mind I googled for tennis leagues in my city & I found an upcoming adult tennis league that actually fits into my schedule!!!!! And registration is only $10! I couldn't believe it! The deadline is next weekend....how lucky am I?! I really enjoy playing tennis, but in the black community there are not a whole lot of people who play, and that is something that I know I will push very hard to do. I hate to lose...although I am not a sore loser, and I hate to not be good competition for the other person. So I know that I will get a much better cardio workout in than I would do in a gym relying on my own mind to push me.

Anyone else have these worries? I read some of your blogs and you say "I felt awful because I didn't go to the gym" or "I used to hate exercising, but now it is my therapy, stress reliever, etc." I doubt that I will feel that way (I hope so, but am just being realistic) but I know how much I enjoy sports! What motivates you to continue to workout, especially after you've reached your goal weight? Is it enough to know you are doing it so that you won't gain it back?

Weigh-In (Week 9)

2010-03-24T18:46:00.001-05:00

164.0 ~ down 0.6 lbs. 9 weeks & total weight lost = 9.4.

For once I am not questioning what happened, what I am not doing, or what I could be doing more or better...because after the weekend I had...I expected to GAIN! So I will take my 0.6 lbs and RUN! lol.

Since I fell off quite a bit over the weekend, my mini goals from last week will still apply. Today was a training session and my PT had an awesome workout planned - circuit style as usual, but with a tire! I was jumping on and off, doing push-ups, and even was flipping the thing!!! I really have pushed myself the last couple of days so I am already looking forward to next week's weigh in! Thanks for your awesome comments on my last post, I will be proving next Wednesday that one bad week won't break me!!! You guys really helped me feel better and motivated me at the same time. It was like okay, they understand how I'm feeling and are waiting for me to just brush it off and believe me, I'm going full force ahead!!! Week 10 is gonna be a BEAST! *does the Rocky dance*

Fell off Track!!!

2010-03-22T21:05:00.000-05:00

This is the first time that I can honestly say...I've fallen off!!! I have had several meals out, not really eaten on schedule, haven't been sticking to my "allowed" list, and haven't tracked! ARGHHH! And on top of that, I've not worked out for 3 days in a row!

I am going to be accountable for my actions. I have simply been lazy. It all started Thursday, which is "Match Day" for 4th year medical students...meaning they find out where they will begin their residency. It is a huge celebration and with it comes lots of partying. While this isn't my 4th year...you celebrate with your friends!!! Now, I don't drink - at all, ever - so that doesn't enter into my "partying" equation....THANK GOD! But, going out to eat with friends, and I went on another date...and I had hella studying to do. But the thing that disappoints me about this is that - all of that will always be there, you know? I will ALWAYS have to study, I will be going on more dates (soon, hopefully, lol), I will always have a reason to celebrate something with friends, so why didn't I get it together? And for the first time, my actions had a domino effect! One bad decision led to another. This morning I had hot chocolate AND an Egg McMuffin! WHY?!?!?! I'm not sure why I allowed myself to get SO off track, but I know one thing...my ass isn't staying there!

This blog is my journal. If I don't lose the weight this week, I have no one to blame but myself, but the journey doesn't end with this week. I am not going to continue my downwards spiral, but get it back together and work double time to get back on track. WHEW....its amazing how much better writing it out made me feel. There really is something to this blogging thing, huh??? Maybe I should do the same with other areas of my life!

Comparison Blues!

2010-03-20T05:31:00.000-05:00

I was on YouTube and came across a woman who was on a weight loss journey. She started at about 178 (I think) and is currently 163...right about where I am. The thing is - she loses 3 or more pounds PER WEEK! I haven't read her regimen in its entirety yet, and the reason I couldn't stay on her channel and find out more information is because after seeing that video I was immediately discouraged!!! So I clicked the "x" in the top corner with more force than necessary as if the woman in question was responsible for my frustration. And I sat and stared at me (my picture is the background on my desktop) and thought to myself "WHY CAN'T I LOSE MORE THAN 1 POUND PER WEEK?!?!?!" I am happy with the changes I am making BUT I constantly have to talk positivity into my results because I want to lose a little more per week. Not every week...but I'd like to have SOME knock out weeks! As we all have said at some point on our blogs - a loss is a loss...but we only say that when the loss isn't as much as we wanted, right? So...I sat and thought a little longer...and really started to get myself worked up!
Then I went to the bathroom - as I washed my hands I stared at my reflection and immediately felt better. My skin is so much clearer I thought to myself. As I rinsed the soap from my hands I thought my nails are so much stronger, and I already need to clip them again! Then as I dried my hands I said wow, your hair is really starting to grow and it looks so gorgeous! It really helped calm me down that I have tangible, visible non-scale related results. So I've just learned that although at times it is difficult not to compare yourself to others, it really does no good to think your own progress isn't enough because someone else is losing faster or more.

Mini Goals for the Week (3/18 - 3/24)

2010-03-18T01:35:00.000-05:00

It seems like I say this every post - but THANK YOU LADIES! I got such wonderful encouragement on my weigh in and your feedback was AWESOME! Melissa (visit her blog here) said something that triggered my new mini goal...that she gets the best results when she (among other things) limits her sugar/carb intake. So to try to increase my weight loss, or at the very least continue to lose at least 1 lb per week I shall heed that advice. I realize that out of my 5-6 fruits/veggies per day 4-5 are fruits. This week I plan to have only 2 fruits per day maximum and fill the rest with vegetables. I think I may be consuming too much sugar. And I ~~plan to~~ WILL drink 6 glasses of water per day. So...in summary here are the goals:

Increase workouts from 30 minutes to 45 minutes (minimum)
DRINK 6 GLASSES OF WATER PER DAY! (okay - seriously - this has been on the list every friggin week...I better just do it this week)
Limit sugar & carb intake/have at most 2 fruits per day.

I have to thank Trina @ MeSoHongry for getting me started with mini-goals; Her "Cute as a Bunny" challenge initiated it. Otherwise I don't know that I would sit down and evaluate each week to see where I can make improvement. I'd probably just float along and adjust things daily. I see there are other bloggers that set mini-goals as well. What are some of yours? We can all borrow from each other!

Weigh In (Week 8)

2010-03-17T04:41:00.000-05:00

I don't know if I have ever been more excited to step on the scale than I was this morning! After (nearly) two weeks and a ton of adjustments, I was hoping & praying that Sunday's number wasn't a fluke. And since I was already praying, God...let me have lost more weight since Sunday...if it's not too much to ask! Well, with great trepidation....I closed my eyes, eased onto the scale....and......

BOO YOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2.2 LBS GONE IN 2 WEEKS!

"Baby, I got 'dis"....those who remember B.A.P.S. (movie) remember this scene...

Well...borrowing from one of my sistah-friends in weight loss Trina @ MeSoHongry who does "glows and grows" here are my lessons learned and lessons aced:

Lessons Learned & New Focuses:

Eat within my calorie range (1150-1400). As I stated, I realized I wasn't eating enough. I am still working hard to get my calories "up." I have not been successful at eating enough yet - I eat 3 meals and 3-4 snacks per day, but they are all so low in calories that it leaves me full, so I stop eating. But I know I will get there. I should just thank my lucky stars I'm not going over everyday I suppose.
Exercise longer. So far I've been focusing on frequency of workouts, not length. I really want to up my gym time to an hour - I currently only do 30 minutes. Now that I consistently workout 4-5 times per week, I can focus on upping the length or at least the calorie burn.
DRINK MORE WATER! I was such a pro at this when I did Weight Watchers...I don't know why I can't seem to be consistent with 6 glasses per day. *Sigh*

Lessons Aced:

I ate 5 servings of fruits/veggies per day - EVERY DAY!
Increased protein intake for pre & post workouts. I usually have smoothies enhanced with protein powder by designer whey. This also helps me to increase my caloric intake and has eased the post workout soreness and cramping.
I worked out a minimum of 4 days per week for the past 4 weeks. I didn't hit my goal of 5 every week, but that is still pretty freakin' awesome in my opinion!
Tracked regularly via LiveStrong.com - MyDailyPlate section.

I am thoroughly pleased with my progress, but any advice you can provide to keep up the weight loss, possibly increase it to 1.5-2 lbs per week, and how to get and stay within my calorie range I would love to hear it! I read all of your blogs and most of you lose more than 1 lbs a week. I haven't hit that in a while and I can't figure out why!!! I'm not getting impatient or upset, just curious. Thinking back to my WW days I almost always lost 1.5 - 2 lbs per week...and I wasn't even working out! Perhaps its the water thing...I know I need to drink more. Anywhoooo, I can't wait til I change that second digit! 150's here I come!

Off to the gym, gonna get there right as it opens...yep I posted this BEFORE I left this morning...pure excitement I tell you, because I am so NOT a morning person!

Support & Friends

2010-03-16T09:54:00.000-05:00

As you all know by now, Wednesdays are my weigh in days. My mother and I talk every single day and without fail every Wednesday she asks "So how'd you do this morning?" And I LOVE THAT! It is so great to have someone to support me, who is genuinely interested in my weight loss journey, and who I can talk to about it as much and as long as I want!

I surely am enjoying your comments and reading all of your blogs. I check for new posts intermittently throughout the day and love reading about your successes, advice and even struggles. Thank God for the blogging community. I realized today, when I speak to my "real life" friends - I find myself babbling on and on about weight loss, nutrition, working out, etc. After my friend asks about how school is going, they ask if anything else is new and then I mention my diet. It seems like once I get started I can't stop! As I go further into details, I realize my friends who are obese have checked out of the conversation and I have to stop myself. They are probably on the other end like

I realized today that unintentionally I go into WAY more detail than necessary when someone is seeking a chatty, catch-up on things type of conversation. However, my friends who may only have a few pounds to lose or none at all seem to respond much more positively than those who are larger. They seem to be more interested in exactly what I am doing and their congratulations are more enthusiastic. I realize that with my more overweight friends, I need to back off and stop spewing my newly found love for fitness and weight loss. It is just like the happy newlywed who constantly goes on and on about how great married life is to their unhappy single friend who has been a bridesmaid 10 times! Sooooo, I've decided to limit my weight loss convo to those folk, as I do with school (who is really interested in the details of the pathology of the esophagus?) to avoid alienating them. I will still share because they after all are happy for me, but I won't go through the stories from each blog I read, every success story I come across and my weekly grocery and meal plan as I had been doing! LOL. Hey, what can I say - I'm HOOKED!

Thank God for my mother and all of you......I can go on and on as much as I want!!!!

Snuck on the scale...

2010-03-15T07:50:00.000-05:00

Wednesday is my official weigh in day...but I just had to sneak onto the scale yesterday. LOL. I tried to hold out but curiosity got the best of me. Well, it read 164.2 which would be a 2.6 lb weight loss in 12 days...AWESOME for me!!! I am going to hope and pray that a little bit more comes off by Wednesday my "official" weigh in day! I think the key change for me was realizing I needed to eat MORE!!! After I started tracking I realized I wasn't hitting even 1000 calories! No good! So now, I track like a fiend along with eating the allowed foods for the appropriate phase of the Fat Smash Diet. I will officially enter Phase III today. Technically, I have been here already but never really added the foods and then went back to Phase I to break through my plateau. Who knew...eating more = weight loss! :-)

Thank you to those who complimented my nails and wished me luck on my date. Yes, I did do them myself...I've always had a "flair" for doing hair and nails but stopped once I went to college and got into wearing acrylic nails. Eventually, I got tired of the money and upkeep as well as how weak it made my real nails and removed them. Also, as medical students, we cannot wear fake nails - but polish?! We can do that! lol.

My date went well. Nothing that is making me gush, but I did enjoy myself. I'm attracted to him physically and he has some great personality traits, but we shall see...I will definitely be seeing him again to see where it leads. All I am asking for at this point is to have someone I enjoy spending time with, no other expectations.

Still trying to find that "auto-pilot" with eating....it is definitely work for me to get my meals right so that I hit my calorie range consistently, but as with anything else, it will come with time. Looking forward to working out this week!

1st Date Tomorrow - NOT going to Dinner!

2010-03-12T22:22:00.000-06:00

My last relationship ended about a year ago and since then I haven't taken any time to really date, there have been a couple, but nothing I pursued. I've been focusing on myself, my studies, and now my weight loss. I met someone (at the gym...almost as cliche as the club right???) and we have our first date tomorrow afternoon! I suggested a movie date, which is NOT first date friendly because you really cannot talk and get to know each other, but I have my reasons. I am tired of relationships revolving around food!!! Dates, celebrations, accomplishments, even sad occasions - all are usually accompanied by eating!!! I am a very creative date person and I like doing different things, and I refuse to re-enter the dating world with regular meals out. It's not even about me being on a diet right now, its about me not wanting to even start the same ol' "lets go out to dinner" rut. That being said we are going to see Our Family Wedding. I'm looking very forward to it. This is the first time in a long time I've really wanted to go on a date.

So I've painted my nails, the old chipped polish had to go and I plan to wear a neutral eye look and straighten and curl my hair. I am relaxed but I am trying to re-grow my hair from a horrible disaster last year plus with all the working out I never flat iron or use heat. I plan to just blow dry my hair straight after I air dry (currently drying now) and then use the Caruso Steam Roller system. I LOVE those things. Here are my neon nails:

I love them! I typically wear neutral makeup from day to day so I express my personality via my nail colors and designs. I could've done a regular french tip, but I'm ushering in the warm weather! LOL. Wish me luck!

Seeing small changes!

2010-03-12T00:47:00.000-06:00

I am starting to see some small changes in my body from my workout routines. I work with a trainer 2 on Mondays and Wednesdays and he usually combines cardio with strength training (i.e. shoulder presses as I step on and off a platform). On the days I am on my own I usually do interval cardio for 30 minutes and some ab work. I try to work out at least 5 days per week...that is my lifelong goal. Lately I've been hitting it, but if I fall short at 4 days I'm not too upset.

I have noticed my upper body is much more defined, I feel slightly less flabby in my arms (my primary target problem area other than my stomach), my back has less emerging rolls and my thighs definitely feel stronger and firmer. My stomach still has a ton of fat on it, but it hasn't been very long and I am VERY pleased with the progress I am making, my workouts are becoming easier and more intense at the same time! Investing in the PT is the best decision I've made so far.

I cannot wait until this summer when the pool at my complex opens...I definitely plan to utilize it for some of my workouts and already have a new bathing suit picked out! Wednesday's weigh in better be kind to me this week!!!

How do you feel about "plus-sized?"

2010-03-11T02:34:00.000-06:00

I was chatting with one of my closest girlfriends who has struggled with her weight her entire life. And I don't remember what I was saying exactly though I do know it was in reference to certain clothing stores, but she said "I personally hate the term plus-sized." And I was at a loss for words because I use that term regularly, thinking I am being respectful by not saying fat...

Me: Well, what do you prefer to be called? When you are talking about those stores (Lane Bryant, Ashley Stewart) what do you say?

Her: Well, it depends. Sometimes I say big-girl stores but mostly I just think of myself as thick. Not plus-sized, I'm not some cartoonish enlargement of a woman. I'm just bigger than some.

Now I was thinking..."big-girl" is better than plus-sized???? And I personally have resented the term "thick" because I feel it has began to disguise being overweight. Oh, she's not fat, she's thick!!! I get that men like the curviness, hell I like it on me too! In no way shape or form do I plan to lose my thick thighs or apple bottom. But hell I would like my thighs to stop rubbing together so I can wear a skirt this summer comfortably without chafing!!! So in my head - my friend saying thick instead of owning the reality that she is fat, overweight, obese, or whatever is just a way of telling herself it is okay to be her weight. She is 5'4" and about 240 lbs. She carries it well meaning she is proportioned and her stomach is smaller than her boobs and booty but obviously it is not a healthy weight. As I contemplate what she is telling me, I began to wonder why all these new terms exist for "big girls/plus-sized women"? We only have a couple of age old terms for thin women: skinny, thin, fit, athletic. There is no "BBW" equivalent for being at a healthy weight....those women don't have a "SBW" (small beautiful woman) movement! Is it our way of dealing with self-esteem issues, to invent new terms that we feel more comfortable with?

The largest I have ever been is a size 14 - and I've only been there twice in my life, both times I was only there for a very small amount of time, having to only purchase a couple of staple items in that size (some black pants, a pair of jeans or two, maybe a dress) so many times I understand that I cannot fully relate to issues that some women deal with. However, weight has and will be a struggle for the rest of my life. I know that I have to actively concentrate on eating healthily and exercising regularly FOREVER. So on many levels, I can relate. Speaking purely from my own experiences, whenever I "disguise" my weight gain or try to make myself feel better about it is when it gets worse. Both times I got serious about losing the weight, I accepted the reality that I was at an unhealthy weight and OBESE. I actually owe this all to my doctor, a family physician, who spoke to me gently but candidly about my weight in January of 2005. He pulled out his BMI calculator and said to me, given your family history, we do want to do something about your weight. I know it is a sensitive subject, but right now, where you are (I was 173-174...same as this time when I started) your BMI is 32 and you are obese. That word had NEVER EVER entered my head to describe myself. I was shocked into a reality check and once I realized the seriousness of the situation, I immediately signed up for Weight Watchers and lost the weight.

This time around, I said to myself, this is it, you are never doing this again. I am over beating myself up about being back here but I know in the deepest parts of my soul, that this is and will be the final diet for me. I will never ever ever return to this weight again. Not never, not ever. But calling myself thick, big, heavy, even fluffy....that was not going to work for me, it was just a way for me to accept being fat.

Don't make me too skinny!

2010-03-10T05:00:00.000-06:00

Some of you may not have read my About Me post and if you haven't had the chance, you would not know I am in medical school. I won't dwell too much about that, but if you are interest in more on that, check out that post. This is a sensitive topic for some, so I hope I don't offend anyone...

One thing I always wonder is why people are so resistant to the standards medicine uses to determine a healthy body weight. If a person is losing weight truly for "health" reasons (whether that be the only reason or like most people there are additional ones) then why not accept the years of research that health professionals have done and reach for the "health" standards?

Let's talk BMI for example - that is my main tool for determining where I should be. Not how I look, not how many times other people say "you don't need to lose any (more) weight!", not a man saying "I like my woman with some meat on her, here's another cookie", etc. But the BMI - body mass index. The tool that has been developed to determine at what weight we are at risk for less diseases!!! I hear SO many people say....where they (medical professionals) say I should be is WAYYY to skinny for me! I contribute this to the African American mindset of beauty which hip-hop has made the American standard. Curvy, bootylicious, Beyonce-esque bodies plus the BBW (big beautiful woman) movement for plus-sized women to be accepted has pushed us to far the other way in my opinion. I applaud fashion for hiring plus-sized models, was SO EXCITED when Toccora was the first plus sized model to appear on the cover of Italian Vogue, thought it was revolutionary of Beyonce to hire plus-sized models to be dancers in her videos, and so much more that has changed for plus-sized women. However - let us mention that Toccora is IN her healthy weight range by BMI standards, so is Beyonce and other classically curvy women. It is possible to be curvy and healthy!

So let's say you are an anti-BMI'er...okay, I don't understand why, but for whatever reason you have developed a deep hatred for the thing...fine. What about measurements of body fat?

Body Fat Categories for Women

10-12% - Essential Fat
14-20% - Athletic Fat Levels
21-24% - Fitness Fat Levels
25-31% - Acceptable Fat Levels
>32% - Obese

Body Fat Categories for Men

2-4% - Essential Fat
6-13% - Athletic Fat Levels
14-17% - Fitness Fat Levels
18-25% - Acceptable Fat levels
>26% - Obese

Most times using either measurement will get you to the same place for the regular fitness seeker, but perhaps you prefer using one over the other. Body fat is another great tool to use to determine your health risks. I can understand a person feeling overwhelmed by needing to lose a large amount of weight - which is why people tend to set small mini goals, and if you make a true lifestyle change you will be addicted to your new way of living. And before you know it you will be beyond where you thought you would be. There are times when doctors will access a patient and tell them to try to get to at least ______ lbs, which may be well above your recommended BMI, but why sell yourself short? Usually, from my experience, doctors say that because they don't want to overwhelm a patient with a seemingly daunting unachievable weight loss goal and doing something is much better than nothing. Is it fear of failure that causes a woman to say - I'm only trying to get down to around _____, anything beyond that is too skinny for me? Is it because they have never been smaller than a certain size in their adult life so they cannot imagine themselves at less than that? Or do people truly not think they look attractive at a recommended weight? I myself never having been "plus" sized (although clearly I am overweight at a starting obese BMI) cannot really relate fully to this mindset, but I am wondering what is behind this *DON'T MAKE ME TOO THIN!!!* mindset? I always have too work hard to bite my tongue when having this conversation with women because it always seems as if they are just selling themselves short by refusing to believe they can achieve a certain weight or body fat percentage. What are your thoughts?

I pledged the Biggest Loser Pound for Pound Challenge!

2010-03-09T21:16:00.000-06:00

I am a huge fan of the show...always get great tips from each episode. And I love that it truly seems committed to improving the health of America rather than creating a whole lot of drama for the sake of good reality television. I've been meaning to sign up for a while - for every pound you pledge to lose, The Biggest Loser will donate $1 to your local food bank. If we're losing anyway, why not help your community in the process? You can visit the Pound for Pound Challenge site here to pledge also!

How do you meet your caloric requirement?!?!?!

2010-03-09T02:11:00.000-06:00

I recently was inspired my Trina @ Ah Me So Hongry to begin tracking what I eat. As I've said in previous posts The Fat Smash Diet does not require any type of calorie counting but I know that writing helps keep me on track. Plus if I am doing something wrong...I can figure out what I am doing or not doing. I've began utilizing the online tool called My Plate @ LiveStrong.com. I realize that on the days I feel I am "eating well" I am usually consuming less than 1,000 calories! I know this is on the LOW side and could be a culprit in me not dropping the pounds as quickly as I would like. However, these are days where had I not been tracking I'd otherwise feel like OMG I AM ON IT! Let's examine today for example.

Today I ate:

Breakfast: 4 clementines (these were so sweet!) & 1 Dannon Lit & Fit Yogurt
Lunch: Caesar Salad with Ken's Light Dressing (no meat, back to Phase I remember)
Dinner: Black beans and brown rice (approx 1.5 cups), Cantaloupe
Snacks: Jell-O Sugar Free Pudding, Apple Bites package, Quaker Lowfat Oatmeal Raisin Granola Bar, Extra Fruit Sensations gum
Water...

So - I've only consumed about 950 calories today total. And that was with me concentrating on eating more! Ordinarily I would think "Wow, I did awesome today!!!" I mean I had plenty of water, ate 5 servings of fruits/veggies, plus I worked out today! But I simply don't think I am eating enough!!! I will be adding protein smoothies to my daily diet as a post-workout rebuilder. So that will give me an extra 160 calories. I feel like I have to really concentrate to make sure that I don't undereat. Like I could easily just have fruit alone as snacks but if you remove the pudding and granola bar then I'm right back at being under my daily target; I want to always eat at least 1000-1200 calories. From my education and research, consuming less calories than that is just not healthy!!!

I guess I just have to find my balance and have more growing to do to learn HOW to eat healthy. ***NEW THOUGHT: perhaps it is harder since I've gone back to phase I...I'm sure once I have meat again, those numbers will jump up!!!*** Even the days I am eating meat, I will need to practice to find my balance, but realizing that I am not eating an entire food group right now makes me feel better about my "numbers." :-)

Jess & Trina - I love your responses on my March Goals post! Can't wait to see how we all do!

Heading back to Phase I

2010-03-07T23:44:00.000-06:00

So...I did my weekly grocery shopping today. And as I perused the produce aisle, which is always my first stop, I thought about which meals I wanted to cook this week. I picked up some clementines, apple slices and cantaloupe and thought "Hmmm, this is a lot of fruit for just me." I live alone and fruit is just too expensive to OVERbuy & allow to go bad, but try as I might, I didn't want to put any of it back. Then I picked up some bagged salad, broccoli, cauliflower, and zucchini...thinking again, wow this is a lot for just me! But again, I was truly WANTING these foods! The entire reason I shop frequently for food is because I want to make sure I always have foods that I want on hand instead of scrounging around whatever I happen to have on hand. So my thought is by having foods that I truly desire, I will be less tempted to eat "bad" foods. So as I thought about which meals I could make with these items, I decided this would be the perfect week for me to go back to Phase I - no meats. I also did not purchase any fruit juice, I need to drink way more water than I have been doing. I stocked up on frozen veggies also because there was an awesome sale on the generic brand and got some yogurt as well. I highly doubt that I will be bored and since I will not be weighing myself this week, I really am excited to be restarting Phase I. Half the battle is being stocked with the proper weapons (as we all know) so I am feeling great about all the great eats and meals I will be having this week. Some of the things I plan to cook are black bean soup, salad, steamed veggies with teriyaki sauce, vegetable soup, and mexican bean casserole. I don't know if I will make all if it this week, but I am definitely just as excited about my menu as any that I would order from at a restaurants.

And I worked out 5 days last week! WHOOO-HOOOO!!!!!

Looking forward to next Wednesday...

March Goals

2010-03-06T19:50:00.000-06:00

This time around, my weight loss journey is about more than just losing weight. I want to try to improve myself all the way around, spiritually, scholastically, personally, financially, and much much more. So to do this I will be evaluating different areas of my life and setting monthly goals. I want to be a better PERSON when I reach my healthy BMI. So without further ado, my March goals are as follows:

Workout at least 5 times per week. No ifs, ands, or buts...
Have personal bible study time at least 1X per week. Sunday church services and Wednesday night bible study with church does not count. I mean personal time I spend reading my Word and talking to God.

That is all for now. I want to set small achievable concrete goals. For example, I will not just say "do more bible study" or "work out consistently." These are actual things I can measure and do. This journey is going to be a holistic experience for me. Do you have any goals for this month? If so, please share, I'd love to hear yours!

Gym Playlist: Gospel Edition

2010-03-04T02:00:00.000-06:00

I used to have a "gym" playlist on my Ipod which consisted mainly of hip-hop and reggaeton. Really upbeat music to get me moving quickly. I realized I've played that out. After all the list was like 5 years old!!! LOL. So I've come up with some new playlists and the one that has REALLY been helping to keep me motivated is my gospel playlist. Once I hit play I start bopping along on whichever cardio machine I am on, waving my hands, praising God and I don't even notice the time as it goes by!!! I have pre-workout stretch, post workout stretch and cool down songs included. The "meat" of the playlist is just about 1 hour - so its a great tool even if I am walking outside. So I thought I would share my list with you ladies just in case you were looking for inspiration or more music to workout to:

Pre-Workout Stretch: Job's Song (Blessed) - Hezekiah Walker

I Will Bless the Lord - Byron Cage
Back to Eden - Donald Lawrence
I'm Walking In Authority - Donnie McClurkin
Souled Out - Hezekiah Walker
Giants - Donald Lawrence
Bounce Back - Kevin Davidson
Search me Lord - Ricky G
Never Seen the Righteous - Donald Lawrence
The Blessing of Abraham - Donald Lawrence
Celebrate - Ted & Sheri
Livin' - The Clark Sisters
Incredible God, Incredible Praise - James Hairston (Cool down)

Post Workout Stretch: I Almost Let Go - Kurt Carr

Even if my music doesn't suit your tastes I've learned that assembling music on your Ipod or MP3 player in a specific order (warm up, hard workout, cooldown) really helps keep you on track and moving at a steady pace throughout your workout. Making a playlist that is the length of the time you want to workout helps also. Hope this helps someone!

At the advice of Ro - I will not be weighing myself for 2 weeks!!! Thank you, girl for your encouragement and advice!!!

Weigh-In (Week 6) - Trying to stay positive

2010-03-03T06:39:00.000-06:00

This is my 6th official week on the Fat Smash Diet. I weighed in this morning and the scale read 166.8, which means that lost 0.2 lbs this week. I know I should keep a positive attitude because a loss is a loss...but quite frankly I'M PISSED! I worked out more, drank more water, & tracked what I was eating yet I still haven't hit 1 lb per week for the past 2 weeks. What gives?!?! Yesterday I worked out harder than I have since I've started! I understand that muscle weighs more and all of the physiology, but I am still capable of losing at least 1 freakin' pound in 7 days!!! It is re-evaluation time...

I had to check my calendar for the official start of my journey - January 18th was Day One. That means that in 6 weeks I have lost a total of 6.6 lbs, which gives me an average of 1 lb per week...so I can't help but be happy with that progress. That made me a little less manic...I have to remember to stop focusing on where I want to be and congratulate myself on the successes I've had so far. It is too early for me to be plateauing so I just can't figure it out. Yes, I am feeling upset and disappointed, but not enough to quit! Not at all, not by a long shot. On the contrary, I feel my scale has challenged me and landed the first punch. And I am definitely going to fight back! I will up the intensity of my workouts (adding resistance to the elliptical and walking on a higher incline on the treadmill) and sticking to my diet plan to the letter "T." I really do not want to go back to Phase I but if I have just one more bad week, back to ONE it is...literally!

As my weight loss ticker says Weight Loss is a Journey, Not a Destination! Yes, I'm feeling a little down and disappointed now but the good thing is that I am motivated to work hard as hell tonight at the gym! I'm in a battle with my scale and trust I will come out on top!!! *Doing the Rocky Dance*

WHAT A WORKOUT!

2010-03-01T19:10:00.000-06:00

You may or may not have read my post about me joining a gym specifically to hire a personal trainer. Well, my trainer - Ira - certainly unleashed on me tonight. I have 2 sessions with him per week and last week I struggled but I wasn't feeling like "I can't." Today, I mean I seriously wanted to give him the finger at one point!!! LOL. Which is actually a good thing. I know for a fact that I would never push myself that hard and so I definitely feel it is worth it to get me to work beyond what I would do on my own. But compared to last week's workouts (which weren't easy either BTW) it was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde with him today. One minute we were chatting it up and I was stretching, the next he was like "DON'T STOP OR I WILL JUST ADD MORE TIME!!!!" I can't wait til I get to the point where I'm telling him, "is that all you got?!?!" Now....that will probably take like 6 months, but hey when it happens, don't think I am not gonna talk that ISH!

Now...I cannot wait to weigh in on Wednesday! As Bob Harper on the NBC's The Biggest Loser says, "That scale owes me this week!"

Exciting new week ahead!

2010-03-01T07:04:00.000-06:00

I am so excited about this week. I am finally finding my stride with working out, which was the missing puzzle piece for me. Thank you ladies for following my blog back. I actually never really expected to gain any followers. A friend of mine who has a successful hip-hop music blog said he was going to start one about his weight loss journey and I thought OMG that is a great idea. And I really do enjoy it. I have never been one to write in a journal but I really enjoy documenting my feelings about this weight loss thing. It is therapeutic and reading the chronicles of other ladies who are on the same journey is really supportive, inspiring, and motivational.

Over the weekend, I decided to make myself a special breakfast. Normally I have oatmeal. Which I am not even tired of yet, but just because I had the extra time, I decided to which it up and fix myself something "special." I used 1/4 cup of egg substitute, Low-fat Mexican cheese and some left over Pico de Gallo. I have never before made an omelette without meat, but I thoroughly enjoyed it! The tomatoes really set it off and I had a cup of grapes with it. I also cooked for the first couple of days for the week, both lunch and dinner. Black bean soup for lunch and Mesquite turkey meatballs with fiesta corn for dinner! YUMMY!

I am getting impatient because I want to see results NOW! My short term goal is to make it into the 150's and I really want that to happen sometime in March. But I am trying to tell myself the results will come, I just have to stay consistent and stick to my plan.

Met my Gym Goal!!!

2010-02-27T16:31:00.000-06:00

I DID IT! I FINALLY DID IT!!!! WORKED OUT 5 DAYS THIS WEEK!!! Monday, Wednesday (with the trainer) Thursday, Friday and today (Saturday)! I cannot remember the last time I worked out 5 days in 1 week! I definitely never have done it consistently (beyond playing sports in high school) and definitely never at the top of my weight loss, only when I was already at my goal weight. I am so proud of myself. You just don't know!!!

Okay some new things I have been trying - tracking. Yes, I am returning to my Weight Watchers' roots and tracking everything that I eat. I tell you - this works for me!!! I am so conscious of popping something in my mouth if I know it will be in black & white later. Instead of using a paper tracker, I have been logging everything online at LiveStrong.com. This is an awesome website! All you have to do is begin typing in the name of the food and the nutritional information is already in the site! Less work on me and I so appreciate it!

I am looking really forward to seeing great results with this. The Fat Smash Diet is not one where you have to count calories and such, but I like knowing exactly what I have eaten. As I said, I make better choices while tracking, plus with everything right in front of me I can see what is working and what doesn't work. One thing I think I did in the beginning was to not eat ENOUGH food. Also, you can build recipes there with specific brands of food and it will add up the caloric information. Very awesome site. I just began following this WONDERFUL blog Getting Healthy with Melissa and she recently began tracking and lost a whopping 2.7 lbs this week! I only hope to have the same success! Melissa is also in the "Cute as a Bunny" Challenge.

Wish me luck this week - my miniature goal is to drink 64 oz. of water per day.

No Loss No Gain...

2010-02-26T16:06:00.000-06:00

So I weighed in yesterday and the scale read 167.0. At first I was thoroughly upset - after all for the previous 2 weeks I had been losing 2 lbs per week and I had definitely stepped up my exercising!!! SO WTH?!?! Then it hit me - my guilty pleasure I had been indulging in had caught up to it. I have some chocolate fondue chips (round pieces of pure milk chocolate) that I have been nibbling on daily. A few pieces here and a few pieces there. I didn't think it was too damaging because despite having them I had continued to lose. But this week, I guess it caught up to me. I have a tiny bit left and I am debating about tossing the rest. If I could limit myself to 1-2 pieces just to satisfy my sweet tooth it would be perfect. But the chances of that happening are slim-to-none. I know that I do not have that kind of discipline and self-control which is why I never even bring "allowed" sweets into my home unless they are in pre-determined portion sizes (i.e. 100 calorie packs). So lesson learned, bits of chocolate MUST GO!

On another note - working out has been going well. I got a couple of new gym outfits, and for me its just like buying new clothes for a party, it helps me look forward to it a little more. I got them from TJ Maxx so for both outfits and a zip-up sweatshirt it was only $45 after my 10% sales tax. Pretty good, huh? I still have not had my measurements taken which is why I haven't shared. Yesterday I worked out with the trainer and he does a combination of strength and cardio training. Today, I went to the gym again and used the treadmill. I walked for 10 minutes at a speed of 3.5 and incline 4.0 then upped it to a light jog at speed 4.5 for 2 minutes. I did this for a total of 3 cycles. I also jumped rope for 5 minutes. I felt SOOOOO good about myself when I finished.

Afterwards I stretched really well and then decided to unwind in the sauna. I took a cue from my favorite beauty blogger, Traycee at Keep It Simple Sista and saturated my hair with Mane n' Tail conditioner, covered with a plastic bag and RELAXED while I deep conditioned. My hair feels so so so so soft!!! I am ecstatic that I tried this technique! The sauna also helped relieve some of the tightness that had been plaguing my thighs as well.

Dinner tonight was quick and easy - as usual! I grilled a Jennie-O Turkey Burger (the frozen straight to grill kind) marinated in Mesquite sauce, portabello mushroom caps (used instead of bread or roll), and some chopped tomatoes, onions and green peppers on my George Foreman. It only took a total of 10 minutes to grill all of that and assemble my burger! I enjoyed that with a side salad and believe me...it was so TASTY!

Need some Meal Ideas?

2010-02-24T03:48:00.000-06:00

What have I been eating?

View more presentations from PhluffyPrincess.

I just love Raven-Symone!

2010-02-23T10:00:00.000-06:00

I've always loved Raven-Symone! She is only a bit younger than me and I love her self-confidence, her business savvy, her frank honesty. I've always identified with her weight "issues" (although I am not actually sure she has any in her own head) because she looks absolutely stunning at any size. And if I do say so myself...so do I! LOL. No seriously, I gain about 20 lbs before people really see it. Like some may notice 10-15 lbs if I say something, but usually its about a 20 lbs fluctuation before I get comments. I'm very proportioned, and I maintain that hourglass figure (roughly) even at 170+ although it is much sloppier! I feel that is exactly how Raven-Symone is....when she is heavier, she still looks great because all the pieces are in proper "order". I mean the boobs are bigger than the stomach, thighs & hips are curvy, booty is rounder than belly, etc. So I've always identified with her body in my mind. As Wendy Williams says "she's been a friend in my head for years!" Anywhoooo, I noticed last year that she reportedly lost 35 lbs! How ironic is it that that is the exact amount of weight I am going to lose (notice I did not say trying to lose)?! HOW IRONIC THAT SHE WENT FROM 170 TO 135?!?!?!?! I don't know if or how she has maintained it, Speaking of Wendy, I actually just saw her on an episode of The Wendy Williams Show (note how she is ranting about blogs, don't worry girl, this is a good one! lol), and although she looked fabulous, to me she looked a just a tag heavier than when she was on Tyra. To my eye, she looked svelte & healthy at both appearances, and I know she does not desire to be thin but HOORAY for losing to a healthy weight!!! That's how you campaign being curvy & healthy!!! Go Raven!

Snack with Purpose!

2010-02-22T13:00:00.000-06:00

Avoid what Dr. Ian calls "empty calories" - food that serves no purpose to your body. They don't refuel, they aren't part of a major food group, basically all they do is taste good and add pounds! Examples include alcohol, candy, cake, etc. Even when you are eating something purely for pleasure, try to make it a healthy choice that satisfies a healthy requirement from the food pyramid. For example - I was watching NBC's The Biggest Loser and there was blatant advertisment of the new frozen smoothies from Yoplait. Now I don't mind the advertisement, in fact I discovered a great new food, but I have to admit it is cheesy the way they try to act as if they are having casual conversation and just happen to give ALL of the product details! lol. Anyway, these smoothies are an awesome option because it can serve as a snack, beverage, and/or breakfast and also contains a serving of dairy as well as a full serving of fruit!!!! You will have satisfied your sweet tooth, filled up, and eaten fruit all for only 110 calories (snacks should always be less than 200 calories). You can find the smoothie mix in your frozen food aisle - trust me these things are amazing, even kids will love them! Other purposeful snack options would be: regular yogurt or pudding (dairy), baked apples with cinnamon or frozen grapes (fruit), or baby carrots with fat free dip (vegetables). I hope you find the following links helpful!

Yoplait Smoothies
Healthy Food Pyramid Weight Loss Tool

Don't you hate....

2010-02-21T17:25:00.000-06:00

You know what I hate? When you are excited about your weight loss, have worked hard...written down every morsel that goes into your mouth, cut out meat or carbs, weighed out your food, calculated portions, whatever it is you are doing to lose weight and have gotten a little bit of success - and when you share the good news with someone they TRUMP it?! I recently told my brother I lost 10 lbs since the beginning of January (I lost a few before starting the Fat Smash Diet) and here he comes Well, I've lost 14. Don't nobody care about you and your 14 lbs!!!!!!! Stop killing my joy and stealing my sunshine! My brother is the type of person who never has more than 10-15 lbs to lose at any given time anyway. He's 5'5'' and at most has weighed 160 lbs. So you can see why I was not thrilled when he shared his weight loss with me!

Let me have my moment and enjoy my hard work! Sheesh!

More about me!

2010-02-19T10:00:00.000-06:00

I've already explained that I wanted anonymity while chronicling my weight loss journey. However that doesn't mean that I cannot share anything about myself! Lol. Well for beginners I am an African American woman in my late twenties. Something I hope you will find interesting is that I am in medical school. Yep, in a couple of years I will officially be "Dr. Princess"! Hahaha! Seriously, that is one of my many motivators to stay healthy. Aside from my own personal reasons, I really want to be an example to my patients. I will be a family physician and I believe wholeheartedly in preventive medicine. I think my impact on my patients' health will be greater if I am a living example. It is as difficult for adults as it is for children who hear their parents preach "do as I say not as I do/did" to listen to someone who clearly is not following their own advice! So from time to time, I will post from a very "medical" standpoint, and now you know why!

Some of my other motivations to lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle, in no particular order:

To be an example to my own family of someone who has real life struggles with weight, but doesn't just lose throw in the towel.
To practice preventive medicine ON MYSELF! My mother has diabetes, my father high cholesterol and they are in their early 50's. My extended family, too many illnesses to list, but all the typical diseases that run in the black community are present in my family also, plus a couple of others.
To find a good relationship. Now before you go all Sistah Soulja on me, let me explain. I don't mean I need to lose weight to attract a man, although I do not think that notion is entirely false either. It is just that I attract men, regardless of my weight (not speaking conceitedly, just being honest) so that is definitely not what I mean with this motivator. What I mean is that I am unhappy with myself right now. I'm not depressed about my weight, don't hate myself or looking in the mirror - but I do hate the way certain clothes fit. I hate the size that I wear, hate that I cannot wear certain trends because they would look awful on my cellulite laden body, hate that I am so self conscious of my body when taking pictures, am in a bathing suit, etc. I strongly believe that in order to find/begin a fulfilling, healthy relationship with a man (or woman for that matter if that is your preference) you have to be happy with yourself. So that is what I am working on.
To be an example for my (future) children. My parents were always hyper-aware of my weight and body type, more accurately. They knew that given my family history and racial legacy of obesity, I would most likely be faced with the same issues. Especially since, I have never been a "skinny" person. Thin yes, skinny, no. So while they made me aware of keeping my weight controlled, it didn't have an impact at all on me. Why? Because all they did was talk! Telling me to watch my weight and not to become like my other relatives was almost pointless - though not completely - because I didn't know how. I have always been athletic, so playing sports is what kept me thin and in shape in high school. And even though neither of my parents were morbidly obese (or even looked obese to the "American" eye), they were clearly carrying extra weight, yet I never saw them do anything to lose weight or control it. Exercising was never a way of life for them. Healthy eating wasn't necessarily either. I mean, we didn't survive off of fried and fat laden foods, no....and my mom did make "balanced" meals and provide healthy snacks for my brother and I. But they had the same struggles they were trying to prevent me from having to go through: being thin up until adulthood, gaining weight in their twenties and continuing as they aged. I remember my mom doing a number of things, but never sticking to anything, never exercising regularly. She would go through phases of buying workout tapes, visiting the track to walk, and the infamous Slim-Fast shakes - but she never got all the components of weight loss and healthy living in balance. Making healthy low-calorie meals, exercising, portion control, eating 5-6 servings of fruits/vegetables per day, drinking 6 glasses of water per day, etc. If she was walking 3 days a week, she was visiting McDonald's 4 days! And my father was not much better. To be honest vanity was more of a driving factor with them than health was...so because of that, they never got to the point of "roly-poly" but my parents never were examples of how to prevent the "i've become an adult, my metabolism has slowed" inevitable weight gain they always warned me about.
To be an example to my (future) children - I want to do exactly what my parents weren't able to do for me. This is so important to me, I had to list it twice!
To feel better about me. I inherited that same vanity I said my parents possess. But I like being thin! I like how I feel about myself when I weigh 135 lbs. or less. I like how clothes fit. I like being able to walk up several flights of stairs, even in heels, without feeling like I need oxygen to be fed to me! I like not having to hide how heavily I breathe after doing anything slightly physical, walk up a hill, up stairs, carry a bag, play with my little cousins, etc. I like being able to show my parents that I DID DO IT! I like everything about being thin, fit, and healthy. My skin is clearer, my hair is healthier, my nails grow longer. All adds up to a better me.

Working it Out!!!

2010-02-18T21:48:00.000-06:00

I have a home gym. Not one of those bowflex types of machines, but enough equipment that I literally have a home gym. I will be posting pictures of my fitness space soon. I have a NordicTrack elliptical machine, on of the steps from The Firm workout system, a 9 lb body bar, dumbells (2, 5 and 10 lbs), resistance bands (both handled and non), a body bar, and thigh master. Not to mention the couple of workout DVD's I own & Exercise TV On Demand. WHEW! Now, there is absolutely no reason I cannot workout regularly, right?! Oh and I forgot to mention that my apartment complex has a workout room.

With all of that, what I am about to say may make absolutely NO SENSE to you...but I will share nonetheless. I joined a gym. Wait wait wait, before you gasp and wonder why I would waste my money, let me explain! I am trying to figure out all of my shortcomings and roadblocks and what I can do to overcome them. And to be honest, working out regularly is a challenge for me. And beyond that, working out with intensity is difficult for me. So, when I kept seeing a special for a local gym for $14.95 per month with a month-to-month contract, I absolutely HAD to learn more. Once I went in, I saw some machines that of course would help me tone certain areas that I may not be able to do on my own, but does that justify me joining, even if it is only $15?! The answer is no. I joined specifically to hire a personal trainer. My mother hired one a few months ago and got fantastic results. I wanted to hire a trainer for a number of reasons, please allow me to share:

To be pushed beyond my comfort zone and my own limitations. This will really accelerate my weight lose, help me to burn more calories, and get my trouble zones toned more quickly.
To force me to exercise regularly. If I make an appointment, I am going to keep it. That is really simple enough.
Its the "accountability" factor. If I have to weigh in & have my measurements taken in front of someone I'm going to do what I have to do to get those results. I think that is why Weight Watchers worked for me also.
I want to get my money's worth. I won't slack off when working with the trainer because I am paying my good money for it!

So I begin tomorrow - I chose to work with a man. Am I setting the feminist movement back by admitting that I prefer a man to work me out? For whatever reason I feel they will be able to push me harder and get better results. If it was Jillian Michaels (of NBC's The Biggest Loser) I wouldn't feel that way, but the woman I witnessed in action today had such a soft-spoken, quiet demeanor....and that is NOT what I want. I want someone who is going to MAKE me work hard!!!! My body fat percentage is 34.6%...I will let you know my measurements tomorrow. They will be taking a before picture because they "felt" I would be a good advertisement person (I will be posting a pic of my body only). Another point of accountability - they had full confidence that I would be an awesome client and I will be damned if I prove them wrong!

Understanding your BMI

2010-02-18T11:46:00.000-06:00

One tool I try to adhere to is the body mass index measurement. I think this is the most important number when accessing our health. Not dress/pant size, not pounds or body fat percentage alone, and not body measurements. Those are all good to know and track, but the BMI is what healthcare professionals use to access your risk for certain health issues, such as risk for suffering a heart attack.

Now, I know you've all heard the term "BMI" but do you really understand what it means? BMI stands for body mass index and is calculated using your height and weight and is an indirect measure of your body fat. The actual formula is: weight (kg) / [height (m)]2. BMI is a reliable screening tool used to show risk for certain diseases. It is not diagnostic - in other words, just because your BMI is high does not mean you have or will develop certain diseases. It simply means that you may be more likely than someone with a lower or "healthy" BMI.

BMI Categories:

Underweight = <18.5
Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
Overweight = 25-29.9
Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

My BMI right now is 29.6! I'm adding an exclamation point for two reasons, one I am overweight. Two, I am happy because when I began I was obese, with a BMI of 30.7. Gotta celebrate the little victories!

What is your BMI? Where should you be to be within a healthy BMI? Find out your BMI

Cute as a Bunny Challenge (Me So Hongry)

2010-02-18T01:34:00.000-06:00

CHALLENNNNNNGGGGGEEEEE! (for those avid Cosby Show fans, you know exactly how I said that!)

I just started following this great blog and as I was perusing through her posts, I found her challenge that began on Monday. The idea is to lose 1 lb per week for 7 weeks until Easter. I am so happy that I was able to join the challenge. I currently weigh 167. I really would like to lose 8 lbs or more to be in the 150's by Easter.

Challenge is ONNNNNNNN!

On another note, I am so happy to have discovered her blog. I am getting to know her better via her past posts. I thought I was the only embarrassed person who would admit to having gained back the weight lost with Weight Watchers. Go visit her site for yourself, it really is a great blog.

Late with updating!

2010-02-17T11:17:00.000-06:00

I totally have neglected my blog!!! The importance of beginning this blog was not to gain followers, not to have a certain number of hits, etc. but to journal my innermost thoughts on losing weight. Now that I have seemingly "left the building" for a few weeks let me recap the last few weeks. I lost 3 lbs during my detox phase. I was somewhat disappointed but realized I wasn't going to drop a big number for a few reasons:

I did not exercise 5 days a week as I was supposed to - it was more like 2 days a week. This is probably the #1 reason I didn't lose more.
I don't weigh that much to begin with. I am not minimizing my weight by any means. I am overweight (yay for moving out of the obese category!) and I understand that. But for most women in my weight category, losing between 1-2 lbs per week is normal.

That left me at 171. I then entered Phase II of the diet and was doing really well, but then I left my parent's home and returned to school where I live alone. Once I got back to my apartment, I did not have any food so I was eating out for a few days, didn't get right into exercising...yet again, and had a few "treats." That being said, I did not gain any weight, but I did not lose anything either.

Now fast forward to today and I weigh 167.0 lbs! YAY! So in one month I have lost 6 lbs. Not bad, but could be better. I am definitely back on my game, eating extremely healthy and I have began exercising regularly - FINALLY! I will give more details on my diet and exercise regimen in a separate post! 6 lbs down, approximately 1/5 of my goal!!!! Gotta celebrate the little victories!

Progress: Day 8

2010-01-25T15:46:00.000-06:00

I'm almost finished with the first phase of The Fat Smash Diet! I am so excited. I honestly and truly believe in this program wholeheartedly. For me the purpose of the Detox phase is to force me to rely on healthy choices when I am hungry. Being able to have an unlimited amount of fruits and vegetables made me grab for them FIRST whenever my stomach growled and now that I am nearing the end, I've found I don't need as many to feel full & satisfied. My parents have both commented that I look as if I've lost weight already - however I have not stepped back on the scale since my first day. Wednesday, January 27 is my weigh in day. Can I just tell you that I am scared?! Seriously, I am. The average amount of weight loss for the first phase is 6-8 pounds and I really wanted to make that at least! I'm scared because although I stuck to the meal plan 100% I only worked out 3 times last week...and the book specifies 5 times. I'm not going to be too hard on myself because something is always better than nothing! But I wonder how that will play out on the scale.

Now - what have I been eating?! Well, I made a Mexican-inspired casserole with: mexicorn, black beans, diced tomatoes, sauteed onions & green peppers and 2% mexican cheese blend. Added 1 c. brown rice and some fat free salsa - SO TASTY!!! And it lasted forever, about 4-5 days!!! I also made the veggie soup recipe from the book - didn't really suit my tastes at all. That soup tasted like I was on a diet! lol. Today I made vegetarian chili with diced tomatoes & kidney beans, and again added that over brown rice and topped with low-fat cheese. Also made some fresh spinach as well. Salad with no-fat dressing has been an awesome "filler" everyday! Fruits, amazing snacks and I also discovered I could have (7) saltine crackers as a snack also, which helps. I've eaten alot of yogurt as well. A couple of mornings I had plain oatmeal with Splenda and it was edible. Overall, the "no meat" thing is not nearly as difficult as it may sound. Its really all about mind over matter, being creative with your meals, and having things on hand that fit into the diet. My mother made sweet potato pies (her specialty) for my brother's birthday and I promise I was NOT even tempted! I'm extremely proud of myself.

My goals for this week/next phase are to exercise at least 4 days per week, preferably hitting 5 days. I think I will begin to weigh in every week after Wednesday...that way I can track my progress just as I did with Weight Watchers.

Day 2

2010-01-19T00:08:00.000-06:00

I got on the scale this morning - naked so I couldn't blame the extra pounds on any clothes! The scale read....173.4 lbs! I was a little disheartened because when I began Weight Watchers 4 years ago, this is exactly where I was. However I thought I weighed about 180 so I thought wow, I only have about 35 pounds to lose, not 40+ like I originally thought!!! So, I quickly got over that and reminded myself that in 8 days time, my weight will have a new second digit!!!! Positivity is key when doing anything in life! Well, I have been sticking to my food plan (my mother says I should not call it a diet) as if I am being graded for how strict I am! Those who are not familiar with The Fat Smash Diet can look here (The Fat Smash Diet) for info on what I can and cannot eat during Phase I. Basically the focus right now is lots of fruits and veggies, huge amounts of water, a small amount of dairy - AND NO MEATS! So you have to be creative with your meals to make sure you don't feel like you are punishing yourself in my opinion. Here's what I ate today:

Breakfast: an omlette made with 1 c. liquid egg whites, sauteed peppers and onions and low-fat mexican cheese, a bananna and 1 c. of pure orange juice.
I wasn't hungry for a full lunch because I had lots of snacks throughout the day: fresh (not canned) pineapple tidbits, 2 clementines, 1 6 oz. container of fat free yogurt, 1 tbsp of walnuts and 2 bottles of water.
Dinner: grilled veggies (shredded carrots and cabbage, cauliflower, broccoli, squash and zucchini - made on the George Forman grill) with 2/3 c. brown rice and 1 tbsp of teriyaki sauce.

I felt full and ate whenever I felt hungry. I don't feel deprived at all - mostly what I feel is excitement to weigh in at the end of the detox phase. I also walked for 30 minutes on the treadmill. I was a little bit disappointed at how slowly I had to walk to do the full 30 minutes but PROUD that I did it nonetheless. Its just upsetting to feel how out of shape you have allowed yourself to become. But I will be patient, because I know results will come and I will see and feel progress soon. Stay tuned!

Too Through

2010-01-17T23:51:00.000-06:00

I purchased "The Fat Smash Diet" by Dr. Ian Smith last weekend. I am too tired of looking at all the cute size 6 & 8 clothes I have in my closet that I cannot fit. I'm too through with avoiding full length mirrors because I hate staring at the realization of how big I've become. I'm so over not shopping for new clothes because I cannot accept that I need to buy either a 12 (or more comfortably a 14) - well into the double digit sizes. I'm sick of saying "I will lose this weight" repeatedly without any action. I've been through with being overweight for a while now, and today I began to do something about it.

Now...this is not my first weight loss journey. 4 years ago I weighed 172.3 lbs and began Weight Watchers. I was so focused and the weight just flew off of my body and I got down to 130 lbs in about 8 months. I'm embarrased to say, I now am back to my starting weight and then some...how a person loses 40 lbs and gains 45 back, I will never know.

Anyway, I am ready to quit being through and starting being fit. I began the diet today. So far, so good. My final goal weight is 140 lbs (I had way too many people tell me I was too skinny at 135 lbs and less) and I hope to achieve that by the end of the year. Whelp, 1 day down....however many more it takes to reach my goal to go. Here we goooooooo!